Dream Now: Why I Will Vote for Agudat Yisrael?
The secular cannot make peace with anyone, the Lithuanian ultra-Orthodox might be able to make peace with the Arabs, but only the Hasidim can make peace with Iran
By: Black Cat
I dreamed that the most popular slogan in the elections is "A Safe Dream," and the elections are about the dream. The left wants to sign a dream agreement and bring the dream through text and documents, while the right says there's no solution to the dream and therefore what's needed is open eyes and reality, constantly shouting like my nagging wife to wake up, sabotaging the dream process. And the left organizes a nighttime dream rally, singing a song for the dream at the top of their lungs so that no one can fall asleep, and the greatest sleepyheads climb onto a giant bed in the square, jumping to the sky and shouting that we need a dream, but no one goes to sleep. And it's already become a consensus that everyone wants a dream but the dream doesn't come. And a great weariness begins, exhaustion and fatigue in all systems, until there's weariness from the dream itself. Dream, dream, and no dream. And everyone doubts and conducts symposiums on whether the dream is even possible, and there's a whole dream industry of dream conferences and dream meetings and dream groups - and then the black prophet arrives.
And finally, silence falls over the crowd. And hopes rise from the new black, the likes of which have never been seen before, because the blacker he is, the more enlightened it is, and this black is the next black thing. He's blacker than a dirty Jew, even blacker than a Mizrahi [Translator's note: Jews of Middle Eastern or North African descent], blacker even than an Arab, an Ethiopian, an original African asylum seeker with a certificate of authenticity from the importer, blacker even than a homeless cat with bad luck, than a sewer rat, than a cockroach on the sidewalk, than dog poop, than a black hole in the ground, or even than Obama, all of whom - if you really look and admit the truth - are actually a bit brown, and therefore contaminated by the white man. Because no skin color can compete with the artificial black of the shtreimel [Translator's note: fur hat worn by many married Hasidic men] and the suit. And therefore, no one can be true darkness, which is the only thing that will bring the solution to the dream, and provide an answer to the moral distress of the disinfecting sun, and of the light breaking from our hearts - into his darkness. And the ultimate black rises to the stage in the square in the night light and delivers the solution to the dream:
I have a dream! The secular cannot make peace with anyone, the Lithuanian ultra-Orthodox might be able to make peace with the Sunnis, but only the Hasidim can make peace with the Shia. Only we will make peace with Iran. Only the shtreimel will get along with the black turban. In 40 years, there will be an ultra-Orthodox majority in the country. And then it will no longer be a violent country. But before that, there are 20 years of danger, because in 20 years there will be a religious majority in the country. Today there's a traditional majority in the country and you can already see what it looks like. There was a secular majority in the country 20 years ago. But what no one knows is that in 60 years there will be a Hasidic majority in the country. And then, when the country reaches 120, it will no longer be the State of Israel - but the State of the Ari [Translator's note: referring to Rabbi Isaac Luria, a prominent 16th-century Kabbalist]. And the Lurianic discourse, which today is esoteric even in the religious world, will become the hegemonic discourse.
Therefore, we need to write the revival literature of this language today, prepare the spiritual mechanisms, its connection to technology and power mechanisms, so that the Hasidic state won't be impotent like the secular state - to be holy snakes. That's why we need bold imagery. Otherwise, God will be a textual statue. Things that are hard to utter - and therefore remain under the hat. When the head of state has a shtreimel - then peace will come. And the reason the secular hate the ultra-Orthodox is that in their subconscious they know this, and therefore they don't want to dream. And therefore the awake, enlightened, and self-aware left needs to vote further left than the Joint List [Translator's note: a political alliance of Arab-majority parties in Israel], who are not radical enough.
If you will it, it is no fairy tale! The more we vote for Agudat Yisrael [Translator's note: an ultra-Orthodox political party], and increase the black multiplication, we'll shorten the dangerous time when the country is national-religious, until we become an ultra-Orthodox country. Therefore, only a fake leftist and a nationalist rhinoceros vote for the Arabs - a true leftist votes for the ultra-Orthodox. The ultra-Orthodox won't fight the Arabs. And the worship of the state, militarism and fascism are as far from them as kugel [Translator's note: a traditional Jewish casserole] is from falafel and the shtreimel from the Iron Dome. After all, the most important thing is ending the occupation, right? Because only then will history even begin. And the last realistic hope for ending the occupation is to increase the demographic multiplication of the ultra-Orthodox, because with the multiplication of the secular you've already lost, because it's easier to demonstrate and wail than to raise children, and it's easier to change cats than to change diapers, and let's see you deal with a child with a developed liberal consciousness shouting "I want ice cream." And if you don't want it - Agudat Yisrael will remain just an association.