A Dream About Shin After Marriage

And I'm searching for her in the streets and discovering streets I haven't walked in for years, and I want to save S', and my daughter-in-law is angry at me for being late on Shabbat. And then I tell her that there's S', and the friend I told her about is S' and she's a former partner, not a friend

Come, O bride (Source)

I dreamed that I was going to the synagogue on Friday night and S' was giving a class on erotic stories beneath the synagogue, and I discover that she's publishing all her troubles on the internet, including erotic stories, and I want to help her and lift her up in my arms, because she's writing about all her heartache with the guy and her entanglement with him, and I manage to lift her in my arms like in the movies despite never having succeeded in lifting even a child, let alone being capable of lifting a woman, and every so often it's heavy and she almost falls and I change position and we talk about what happened - while she's in my arms. And I take her from there at night through the streets of where I used to live and haven't walked in a long time. And everyone is already returning from the synagogue and it's not clear where I'm taking her and then she's nice to me, and I tell her that if I have money from the books in the future I'll locate her and give it to her. And I mean even if she'll be married to someone else. And I'm surprised at myself for saying this because she doesn't deserve it at all, and I tell myself that I'm crazy for saying this but I have no control over my mouth because I love her.

And she says that now that I'm carrying her like this she is attracted to me and that it was never like this before, and then I say that the truth is - because it seems to me that I need to tell the truth in our heart-to-heart and that we've grown closer - and the truth is that I'm angry at her. And then she gets upset with me - and turns on me - and doesn't want to talk to me and disappears and I'm searching for her in the streets and discovering streets I haven't walked in for years and I want to save S', and my daughter-in-law is angry at me for being late on Shabbat. And then I tell her that there's S', and the friend I told her about is S' and she's a former partner, not a friend. And that she should understand that it's difficult for me. And this distances her from me, and I think that she should make an effort, that she should understand, that it's not simple. And then after she makes an effort maybe she won't throw me away like S', whom I chased after - and she didn't make an effort.

But it seems that I can't explain this to her and she doesn't understand, and I'm upset that I missed the opportunity with S' when we suddenly grew closer and then without warning she ran away, and what did I do wrong. And now here I am again telling the truth to my new daughter-in-law, and it eases my mind that I'm no longer hiding, and I thought that this would finally bring us closer - but the truth doesn't help. And I no longer recognize the streets where I grew up and everything is already full of Haredim [ultra-Orthodox Jews], and the Haredi children say he's police, and one child says it can't be because he has a black kippah [skullcap] but he looks strange with a kippah. And I'm afraid of the children running there on the stairs where there was once a girl I loved, and there was a gate there where we used to enter her yard, but I continue to run as if there's no gate on the stairs because she hasn't lived there for a long time, she left the neighborhood before us, and none of the Haredi children know that I was there as a child long before them - and that this is my place before them.