Speech by His Honor Prime Minister Cat-Meow

Facebook is the existential enemy of our people, and has added to its algorithm a secret and vile poison potion, within the Protocols of the Elders of Zion (who today are old gossiping women), as part of the global web conspiracy: Facebook checks what words are in a post, and strongly promotes posts on the hot topic it identifies, which is the latest scandal of the 5% against the 95% silent profiles, in order to increase engagement - and thus amplifies every scandal like an echo chamber to ear-splitting and mind-numbing noise. And if you write a post on an original topic of your own, but not on the latest affair, almost no one will see it

The philosophy of language belongs in the trash bin of ideas and cats  (Source)

I dreamed that I was forming a unity government between cats and humans. And I tell the people, what are Arabs? They're a combination of mice and dogs, meaning a coalition of unity government against us. And if we don't gather and stand for our lives, and combine cats with Jews, then the Arabs will defeat us, and therefore we need to establish the state of Jewish cats. And that this is the true meaning of the unity of the people: strict conversion of all cats, and lenient diapering of all Jews. We are all brothers, we are one people, and we must learn from history and avoid baseless hatred that leads to destruction. And all the Jews attach tails and whiskers to themselves, and hold their ears up with clips, and they put a kippah and sidelocks on me, and the shtreimel covers me entirely with only the tail sticking out. And my campaign slogan is: Cat-Meow is good for the Jews.

And they elect me as Prime Minister, and I say: Let's stop with the nonsense of being a light unto the nations. Enlightenment is so passé. Let's be darkness unto the nations. And let's nurture dream consciousness. But here already begins a dispute among the people: because the entire dream of the Jews is actually a nightmare, that they're afraid of the Germans. And the entire dream of the cats is actually a nightmare, that they're afraid of dogs. And what's left is a dream of being afraid of a German shepherd. We will not go like sheep to the slaughter. So I say: Don't you have a positive dream, on which it will be possible to build a bridge? And again a severe rift begins in the nation: The Jews dream of a messiah, while the cats dream of a mouse, and what's left is a tiny, gray, and cowardly messiah, and he just sees what's going on and immediately hides in a hole. And the Jews say: We waited two thousand years for Mickey Mouse? And the cats say: We starved in garbage cans for so many years, and now we're not even allowed to kill the messiah and eat his flesh? Why not make a last supper out of him?

And I start to understand that we are rapidly progressing towards a civil war, and we must find a shared ethos for the Jewish cats, otherwise all is lost. Because the Jews are already saying: Why should we finance the cats, who don't leave the house? And the cats are saying: Why should we finance the outside, where only Jews roam? Why waste so much on roads and transportation and flowers in the boulevard, why don't the Jews stay at home? And there are already joint protests: Cats and Jews - refuse to be brothers. And I understand that nothing I say or speak (I have a feeling as if it's not the same thing, these days) will help, because they won't listen or hear me anyway (again, a feeling that these are two contradictory possibilities). Only one thing will help Prime Minister Cat-Meow: to destroy the hostile communication - between Jews and cats.

Every couple's therapist first needs to treat communication, or in our case, the media [Translator's note: In Hebrew, "communication" and "media" share the same root], with the aim of turning it into silence [Translator's note: Wordplay in Hebrew between "media" and "silence"]. Quiet. That's the condition for governance. Quiet! Let there be a Prime Minister here who will bring quiet. This is actually the heart's desire of all sides, only on this do they agree. So all of you shut up. And I go out to eradicate the noisemakers, the sources of noise, and anyone who disturbs the rest of the Jewish cats. After all, what does a Jew wait for all week? Shabbat. And what does a cat wait for all day? Sleep. Yes, we've forgotten the secret of Shabbat, the purpose of creation. Shabbat is an acronym: Sleep on Shabbat is a Pleasure [Translator's note: This is a play on words in Hebrew]. If God were alive today, He would have one commandment, a single utterance on the tablets written by God's finger. On the right tablet: Oy. And on the left tablet: Rest.

And as with any approaching disaster one wants to prevent, I am getting closer to the center of the noise area, to the heart of the party that's pounding with tom-tom drums and disturbing creative, dreamy, and deep sleep. Who's trying to wake us from the dream of the Jewish cat state? The state that is a legend about a state, which turned into a desire, but not enough (luckily for us), and therefore remained and will remain a legend? Who is the great danger to the national home for Jewish cats? Not the mice and not the dogs, and not even the Arabs - but, it turns out, this evil oppressor: Facebook. I knew it! Because it's simply not possible that the Jewish feline people, with its thousands of years of cumulative history (because cats count from the domestication of the cat, which is year zero in the cat calendar, which happened before the creation of the world of the Jews), has turned into such a stupid people. It's just a small group of mixed multitude within it, who write on Facebook, and all the rest read and think everyone is stupid, until it has already become a consensus that the smartest people in the world are stupid - and therefore the people will pay.

Because in truth, according to studies, 95% of the people adhere to the Jewish feline ideology of "Oy, rest", and these are exactly the silent majority who don't write on Facebook. And against them, there are 5% more who don't rest and constantly say oy - these are the professional inciters who are so professional that they even incite themselves, and make noise for all the rest. And a feeling of idiophonic cacophony spreads, because every monkey got a loudspeaker, what's called a profile. And thus a sadomasochistic interaction was created between the noisemakers and the alarmed, something completely perverse, a severe deviation from the spirit of our people - and instead of creative quiet, there's a crazy mess. Because the moment Jews and cats stopped going to synagogue, they lacked for years the place for gossip and gevalt and preaching and evil tongues - everything that's called community life, around which our existence revolved throughout an entire exile. And then came the Facebook community and became the secular synagogue, and they started praying in it devoutly three times a day, and there are some who don't leave at all and just drink tea in the shtieblach [small prayer houses] and pretend to read some book - while they stir and listen to the whispers and murmurs and rustles of the shtetl.

Therefore Facebook is the existential enemy of our people, and has added to its algorithm a secret and vile poison potion, within the Protocols of the Elders of Zion (who today are old gossiping women), as part of the global web conspiracy: Facebook checks what words are in a post, and strongly promotes posts on the hot topic it identifies, which is the latest scandal of the 5% against the 95% silent profiles, in order to increase engagement - and thus amplifies every scandal like an echo chamber to ear-splitting and mind-numbing noise. And if you write a post on an original topic of your own, but not on the latest affair, almost no one will see it, whereas if you write a stupid post about the current stupid topic - you'll get peak views and flea-picking from your fur. And so the noisy monkeys only learn how to become more evil and impose their moral panic and all the malignant negativity within them on everyone else. And instead of true positive coverage - we got social media, which tears the Jewish cats apart from within - to shreds. And there are already Jews who announce that they're stopping to attach tails to their children, and cats who remove their kippahs and pluck out their sidelocks, and where are we heading?

And I write a post on Facebook: Dear Catisrael people, I've identified the problem beneath the problem beneath the problem beneath the problem you're dealing with now. And if we solve this problem - we'll solve all the problems. The deep problem, the depth problem, is that you're stuck in an outdated philosophy of the 20th century, which is the philosophy of language. And therefore you always make scandals around something someone said, and you're not interested in what someone did (or God forbid thought). And therefore you're busy with what's allowed to say and what's forbidden and who said what to whom and who laughed at whom and you argue and chatter and live in a plane of consciousness that has no connection to practical reality. You've become a state of discourse, and all that matters to you is what happens in the discourse, a coin in a jug cries 'kishkish' [Translator's note: An Aramaic phrase meaning empty vessels make the most noise]. You're like my kindergarten teacher: how can you talk like that, how can you stick out your tongue, go wash your mouth with soap. And it didn't matter to her who hit whom, because she was influenced by the philosophy of language. Meanwhile, reality is determined by me, the Prime Minister. Because you're entirely in the signifiers, but the world exists in the signified. And therefore the time has come, good Jewish cats, for you to update yourselves in the new philosophical paradigm of the 21st century. Wittgenstein is so passé. And what's happening with you now is the decadent period of the era of the philosophy of language, and if you don't progress the situation will only get worse, because those who remain far behind are punished by history. And what is the new paradigm?

Well, today, the leading philosophy in the world is the philosophy of mind. Of thought. And therefore you need to be interested in new thoughts. In new ideas. And in general to understand that there can be all kinds of ways of thinking, for example feline thinking, and for example Jewish thinking, mathematical thinking, ultra-Orthodox thinking, Japanese thinking, Kabbalistic thinking, literary thinking, economic thinking, dream thinking (I developed it!), and to learn new ways of thinking. The 21st century is the century of the brain, and the 20th century was the century of the mouth. Therefore it's worthwhile to shut your mouth a bit, and start using your brain. Progress! And if someone says something, start by trying to understand their thinking, because you're so far from understanding the thinking of those you're pouncing on. And this is the question you should be asking (I mean sorry, thinking about). Because truly the question is not what the Prime Minister said, but what he thinks (really not the same thing! Are you aware of this?), and what is the thinking that drives him and that he creates in the system. So here are some thoughts from me, the Prime Minister of the Jewish cats.