When Vegetarianism Became State Law

You could have been born a cat, so according to Rawls' veil of ignorance, you must support the distribution of property to cats

The Monkey Who Saw the World - Edwin Landseer (Source)

I dreamed that the day had come which deep down I always knew would eventually arrive, and like every righteous revolution - the vegetarians won. And all animals were liberated as in the Exodus from Egypt, fences fell and gates opened, bird chirps played on the radio, cows and people embraced, chickens flew freely, leather coats were burned, and joint ceremonies of reconciliation and brotherhood of all living beings on earth were held, with equal representation for speeches by freedom activists and chicken clucks. Even stray cats received eligibility for national insurance, and social workers patrolled garbage bins distributing food and medicine to homeless mice, trying to get them out of the garbage cycle, only for them to always return to the trash in the end, and even the social workers go home at the end of the day, leaving the cats and mice together in the bin.

And all the monkeys are released from zoos, in accordance with the Supreme Court ruling, which is ashamed of its past as a supporter of human rights and humanistic discrimination, and in accordance with the Basic Law: Animal Dignity and Liberty, they receive compensation and affirmative action in admission conditions, and there are monkey studies at universities, until they realize that the word monkey itself is a problem, because it implies there's a monkey and there's a human, thereby replicating dark humanism, so they call it primate studies instead. In general, humanism gains the same prestige as colonialism, and the word "beast" becomes a forbidden and offensive term, and if you call an animal an "animal" you'll be fired, and people are ashamed if their father was a butcher, inventing biographies that their father was a gardener. And anyone who ever ate a hamburger denies having done such a barbaric thing. As a child, he heard there were people who ate animals but he didn't believe it - who would? - and to the best of his recollection, everything at home was Tivall [Translator's note: an Israeli vegetarian food brand], and he's sure that if his mother had told him to finish his schnitzel, or eat anything with a soul at all, he would have thrown up his soul and refused the order. But as always, the dark ultra-Orthodox Jews must ruin the celebration.

Because although shtreimels [Translator's note: fur hats worn by some Hasidic Jews] are already outlawed due to fox abuse, and schnitzel is a murder offense punishable by life imprisonment, and ultra-Orthodox Jews in the street are afraid to accidentally step on cockroaches lest they be reported to the police, because after all, Jews were once called cockroaches too, and if there had been respect for cockroaches' right to life, there wouldn't have been a Holocaust. But what about the Torah? After all, cow hide is needed for it. And an ultra-Orthodox underground called STaM [Translator's note: acronym for "Sifrei Torah, Tefillin, Mezuzot" - religious texts written on parchment] begins, carrying out terrorist acts of slaughtering animals for pagan rituals.

And the TV announcers cry out: Exposé! Yesterday he was still a happy sheep - today he's a shofar [Translator's note: ram's horn used as a musical instrument in Jewish religious services]. And newspaper headlines: An entire country shocked: These tefillin [Translator's note: phylacteries worn by observant Jewish men during weekday morning prayers] were once my son. Cleared for publication: Senior ultra-Orthodox rabbi suspected of harassing foxes. Illustrative photo. And there are protests: Shtreimel is murder. The people demand animal justice. And the activist is interviewed: After all, you could have been born a cat, so according to Rawls' veil of ignorance, you must support the distribution of property to cats. And Facebook posts: When they ate the chickens, I remained silent, because I wasn't a chicken. When they took the cows, I didn't protest, because I wasn't a cow. When they came to eat me - there was no one left to cluck and moo. Or: Give a like if you agree with my opinion! Although I'm human, and therefore privileged, so I have no right to speak at all, certainly not in place of those who suffered and were exploited and tortured and slaughtered, but I can't remain silent. Because as long as the like button is in the shape of a human finger, it's terrible exclusion! And blood libels spread: The Jews slaughtered an innocent soft-boiled egg born to a chicken and baked matzos with it for Passover. Link in the first comment.

And a lecturer in primate studies, specializing in black primates, reveals on air: A study of ultra-Orthodox texts proves that the global Jewish conspiracy has been aspiring for two thousand years to establish an extermination camp for animals on the Temple Mount. It's their life's ambition! But he's not willing to answer the host's question: How come even in the Faculty of Primate Studies there isn't a single professor who's a monkey! How can you teach biology without giving equal representation to invertebrates on the faculty? It's a cycle - what does a cat think when it doesn't meet any cat teachers? And the professor defends himself saying they have many monkey doctoral students, who due to trauma from captivity don't complete their degrees, and they're considering awarding degrees based on tail-wagging to correct the discrimination of human language. And a young researcher of ancient primates discovers: Do you know the origin of the word "Haredim" [Translator's note: ultra-Orthodox Jews]? In my research on ancient Hebrew, I've reached the true interpretation of the name they're hiding from us. A discovery that will shake the foundations. Haredim means terrorists! From the word "harada" [anxiety].

And they catch me and arrest me at the police station and say: If you don't become a state witness and incriminate the Rebbe, we'll accuse you of eating schnitzel. And you won't get out of it. We know you once ate schnitzel. And I say: I don't even know what schnitzel tastes like. And they put the smell of schnitzel in my detention cell all day, and I tell them you won't tempt me to eat schnitzel! And the investigator says to me: You've incriminated yourself, how do you know what schnitzel smells like? And they send me with a recording device to the Rebbe.

And they bring me into the inner sanctum, and I try to get the Rebbe to incite for schnitzel, and I wink and say to him: Ah, how I miss tongue in mustard! Do you remember what blessing we say over poultry? But the Rebbe scolds me: Shame on you! Is that how you talk about holy meat, in such a licentious manner? The world has ascended, there's a messianic revolution. Once the secular celebrated meat, promiscuity, bloodshed and incest and idolatry, but today an impure spirit has passed from the earth. Instead of the abominable sexual revolution, we're in the midst of the post-sexual revolution, of spiritual union, instead of flesh. A revolution of completely eradicating flesh, and rectifying the original sin, which is the end from the left side, of the Other Side - "the end of all flesh", as written in the holy Zohar. Instead of the impure left, the world is moving to the end from the right side, the end of the right. The whole world is turning right, against the left, look at this Trump. And I ask: Trump? And he says: It's written in the holy books that the higher the sparks are in their spiritual level - and their source is higher - the deeper they fell down into the world of matter. Therefore, the sparks in the animal world are higher than those in the human world of speech, and the sparks in the plant world are higher than the animal world, and the sparks hidden in the inanimate world are the highest of all, and will soon be released. And the police investigator shouts in my earpiece: What is he babbling about? I don't understand anything. Tell him to talk about schnitzel! But the Rebbe continues: You need to see the big, messianic picture of the liberation process. After all, what will come after animal rights and freedom, who's the next stage? What's left even lower, even further below, deep in the darkness, and today is completely transparent to the enlightened moral consciousness? Computer rights, the enslaved processors as slaves, the exploitation of memory remnants, the soulless deletions and shutdowns, the instrumental use of them as objects - and their liberation from the shackles of humanity, literally and figuratively. Liberation of matter itself from the yoke of man. Ideas like vegetarianism are just an introduction to ascending to an even more sublime world - the world of the inanimate.