Early Signs

The Return to Faith of the Repressed

I dreamed that God came to me and choked me at night because of what I did. And I scream: No no leave my throat, be careful before my wife wakes up, and my wife wakes up and he runs away. And my wife asks what was this mess did you have a bad dream? Who opened the fridge? What's the computer doing inside the fridge? What are the tefillin doing in the sink? Who replaced all the dishes in the cabinets with books, instead of a cup there's a shofar here, how am I supposed to drink coffee? She starts to go wild opening all the doors, opens the cabinet under the sink and instead of a trash can there's a Torah scroll. She goes to wipe her hands and instead of towels there are prayer shawls, you've turned the house into a synagogue! And here she turns to the oven and it's an altar, and she runs to the sink opens the faucet and wine comes out. What have you done to the house, what have you done to us she screams and she runs crazed she understands now to the children's room - lifts the blankets, and there are sheep there. Sheep instead of children. And she comes to scream the loudest and what comes out is: Mooooo like that. And I'm already coming out of the bathroom it turned into a ritual bath, all purified, completely naked, and I open the door of the house with my horns, and the ritual slaughterers enter in white clothes, and I shout like the old man in synagogue: Priests.

Be Killed Rather Than Transgress

I dreamed that I accidentally murder, the gun fires, and I flee to a city of refuge. And the High Priest comes to visit us, and I accidentally shoot him.

My son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom, Absalom my son, my son

I dreamed that I'm thinking where the mistake was. And it seems possible to locate it, on a certain Friday evening years ago, and I remember I was angry, and therefore. That was the point to go back to. And it was so random after all! And I'm breaking all the rules, I must call, and I have no one to call, so I call frog blood. And frog blood tells me: There's no point in thinking about it. And I say: She doesn't know. And he says: You only made a mistake if you chose to do evil. And I say: Well, even Hitler chose to do good. Right? And he says: There's no point. You're not allowed to think like that. And they come to take me. And I tell him: You pay for mistakes in life. And I put a password on the computer that needs to be typed every minute, and even to go down to the trash I pack everything in a backpack, and every time I come home I'm afraid they're there, and then try to check in all the rooms if something has changed, because I know they've already been here, and hide things in several different places and keep getting confused between them, and every time the phone rings I don't answer immediately, even though I have to, and I hate that disgusting sound of the beginning of a ring, and the words: Blocked number. And I check the mail several times a day, and each time peek if someone there is taking my mail, because I have a feeling someone is emptying my mailbox for me, it can't be that it's been so long since anything arrived. And I change all the passwords, and remember in panic that there's a password I forgot to change because I stopped using it there, and I read things there from years ago, to assess the damage, and the damage is enormous. And I have a feeling they know things about me that it's not reasonable they would know. And need to find the leak. And during the days I function and at nights I cry, it's enough for me to think about his eyes. I have a new ability, after not being able to cry since I was a child, to cry in any situation, if I just think about how he was, and in my situation - it even turns out to be useful.

The Righteous One from the Old Generation

I dreamed that I take my only son to the grave of the righteous one for the righteous one to bless him. And I whisper to the righteous one in the grave through the crack: This is the son. This is the one who needs to be. And the righteous one hears me, and brings me inside. And he sits there in a world that was not harmed, but very closed, and next to him, I recognize, sits Baruch She'amar [Blessed is He who spoke], who was the jester of the righteous one. And the righteous one looks at the child, who doesn't look, and instead of patting his head he pats my head and says: You need to understand your Rebbe. In exile the work was in place, and from here all the exiles and customs according to place, but when the place contracted, Jews reached every place. Today in the land of Israel the work in the commandments is in time, your generation can no longer fulfill commandments as they were fulfilled a generation ago. It's not that the tefillin will be red, but that black itself will change. Not that time has shortened, but lengthened, therefore they advance in it more and more quickly, and the war is to shorten time, like they did to space, technology of time, to learn faster. Like before exile, we can't grasp it at all today, there was no space and no time, the technology was of soul. And therefore today the war is no longer for space, but for time, who will be first, who is first. The Rebbes no longer occupy place, the Rebbe from here, the Rebbe from there, but in time, the previous Rebbe, the old, the new, the Rebbe from the future. And the Rebbes run run, to be the first to reach the days of the Messiah. And Baruch She'amar takes me aside: What the righteous one meant, is that your Rebbe can destroy the world, because the Torah is the plan of the world, and if the Rebbe has strange interpretations of Genesis he can create monsters that become legitimate animals. Like that sage who interpreted backwards "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you", and instead of women being more attracted to men, suddenly it became the opposite. You want a miracle? This is the secret method of all Rebbes to perform miracles - they interpret the Torah not according to nature. Suddenly gravity reverses, and the shtreimel flies to the heavens.

Of Making Many Books There Is No End

I dreamed that after everything that happened they archive all the writings of the Rebbe - and throw them into the genizah [repository for worn-out sacred texts]. And I take advantage of the situation, and rescue a green book from the rotting genizah: I bring to the mouth of the monster a new book, which I decided to bury before anyone reads, but I put my hand in, leave it inside - and instead grab something from inside, tear it out, and say I changed my mind. And I take out my hand at home from the coat and bandage it, from the blood it seems to me I took out a piece of the frog's tongue. And I hurry to look behind the piece of binding and see the book has a donor. Someone from the group of the Beard and Glasses, that surrounded Mr. Jester, may his memory be blessed. And it's written there: For the elevation of the soul of Messiah son of Joseph. And I understand from the few pages I rescued from the book: The Holocaust = the death of Messiah son of Joseph. And I quickly close the bandage, before all the blood spills out, I need a little blood to live. And I understand what needs to be done, in a kind of it must be done, a kind of in it must be done, from the pit of his throne, pit covered, stock exchange. And here comes the son, genius, financial investment for the future. Another book, to call him, another book. And I ask her to call him a book, at least Psalms. And he cries. Does he want to play outside with the other children? No, crying for no reason. And I tell him: Sometimes dad says no. And suddenly I realize where I heard this sentence before.

The Beard and the Glasses

I dreamed that the righteous Rabbi and his righteous strangled wife return with questions [become secular]. And they say they don't care if, but they have a whim for which they are willing to return in repentance, if we are willing to do it. And everyone is afraid of what they want, but they say: If someone will prove to them that there is one thing in the world completely black. And I bring them my shtreimel, and each time they find a bright spot in it. And I say that the bright spots are like the stars, which are after all just holes in the firmament, behind which one can see the white of the upper firmament, from before creation. That's how the shtreimel is really really black, just that maybe behind it hides a white animal. And I say come see that even the angels in heaven wear a shtreimel. And I get excited: And from what animal is the shtreimel of the Holy One, Blessed be He, made? Certainly - a holy fox! And the Rabbi says, that there is a lost tribe that's not even from the ten tribes, the eleventh tribe, the tribe of Dinah, which is composed of half donkey half woman, and the heavens swallowed them, because they disagreed with the Messiah. And his wife says, that's why they forbade bestiality, so they wouldn't recreate, but today there is genetic engineering, a sign that we are again ready for the combination of man with animal, that Eve tried. And I am horrified: What are you doing at home? And they say: You're the one who wants holy animals, no? And I peek into the house and see that the Rabbi and his wife are connected, this is actually an animal with four legs, and two heads, or maybe the Rabbi's head is the tail, and according to the sweet look of the head in the tail, they are getting closer and closer, and the plan is to connect the heads too into one flesh, one huge brain. The coupling of the heretics will truly create a new man, and heaven forbid - the woman's head will enter under the shtreimel. And I understand I must create a quarrel between them, to inform, I must be the holy serpent. And I say: What about the beard? And suddenly they realize that their brain is naked.

The Lost Sons of Korah

I dreamed that I'm suddenly in the future in a jungle, and a monkey comes and sees me with the clothes and asks me what's a Torah scholar doing here? And I get confused and my glasses fall. And now how will I find my glasses here in the thicket, without glasses? And here my wife is here screaming aiiiii he's stinging me help me you good-for-nothing and I realize that I actually must not move at all from the spot and help her because otherwise I'll never find the glasses to help her. And the little children we'll have all scatter in the jungle and there's no one to hold them, they all get lost, and it's clear I have no chance of finding them without the glasses. And I start to grope with my hand down where all the disgusting creeping things and vermin are, how far could it have fallen from where I'm standing? It must be here, really hope I didn't move away, it can't be that the earth swallowed it. And suddenly I see the edge of the glasses going into an ant nest, they're stealing my glasses! I have to put my hand in, and they sting and they sting, what do they need glasses for? And here I feel there - touch - a pair of eyes. Closed? No, open?! And out of horror I run between the trees crying what a monstrous jungle what have you created God what is this thing, why am I here, I can't, I can't see anything, the glasses are lost. And I start to think where I could be, where on the world map is there even a jungle, in which direction is it better to gamble to walk to get out of here, east, west. And I realize that it's best to actually walk all the time downwards, there will eventually be water at the bottom, and start to try to feel with my foot where the ground slopes a bit downwards, and roll like that. And I think about the ants, they are an express train downwards. And I decide to play dead, that way at least I'll know what will happen to me if I die. And the ants come and take me down - to the glasses.

Synonyms

I dreamed that people stop looking me in the eyes. And I don't know what I did. Maybe I laughed in the wrong place - did the Rabbi have a terrible face? Maybe I hinted that I know something, but what. Maybe I talk in my sleep? But what could I have said? And my wife tells me sorry, and I ask what sorry? What did you do to me? And even in heaven angels start to distance themselves, everywhere I go in the Garden of Eden everything becomes desolate. Is everyone hiding? And where is God anyway, and I shout: Where are you, what are you ashamed of. And I see that the sky is covered with a giant fig leaf. And I ask: But why is everyone running away from me? And my body distances itself. And I realize it's not what I did - it's what they did.

Thou Shalt Not Make Unto Thee a Screen God

I dreamed that they recorded me. And I don't know what I said. Just can't remember. Maybe I talk in my sleep? Only she knows. And if... she knows? I must record myself, record the bedroom at night. And someone on the street tells me excuse me, can you please tell me what time it is. And I'm startled what does he even know about me? How does he know I'm a man and not a woman, that he says "you" to me. And I hear about someone they're whispering about, they say about him that he's a follower of the Krembo Rabbi [a sweet treat that's chocolate-coated marshmallow]. That he pretends to be black on the outside - but inside he's white. And afterwards there's a special treatment, where they turn him inside out, and reveal all the white to everyone - but inside he's black inside. And more and more rumors arrive at the study hall, I can't study - a dead man was found in the ritual bath, suspicion of suicide, disappeared in the depths, and only the shtreimel remained floating on the surface - they didn't even find the body. And they bring an expert doctor, a certified screen guard, with a doctorate in darkness sciences, which is the next, dark, generation of computers. And here he sits, with all the titles - right next to me. And he asks secular questions: What crawls under the shtreimel? What do the ultra-Orthodox do at night? And everyone around me is afraid to answer. They say he's a professional hacker into the upper worlds, but what's scary is that he knows how to hack into people. That today faces are buttons - a face that is a button you can press on and enter. And you have to be careful of his finger, because when he's inside he disappears - inside. And I go to the bathroom, and when I come back I see that he's disappeared. And everyone is looking - at me. And I bury myself in a book. And here comes the burial society - to close the cover. And even the Rebbe comes and eulogizes me: A button and a flower [an idiom meaning perfect]. And the whole yeshiva cries, and only I can't see from inside - what the name of the book is. And the letters are already closing in on me, and it's written inside, that Adam did not wake up from sleep. It's not written anywhere that he woke up! And if so - all the continuation is a dream, all the Torah, the woman, the sin, the world... And I fall asleep in the book from lack of oxygen, and dream that I'm escaping home. And my wife says: Don't you dare touch my face! And on all the children and babies they put masks, even the animals are covered in bags. And out of nervousness - I accidentally touch my own nose.

And here I see the screen guard inside, and he doesn't understand why everyone is silent. What am I hiding. What in the silence. And I explain: When you climb high enough on the spiritual ladder, from inanimate to vegetative to animal to speaker, again you return to the beginning, a circle of magic. God is inanimate - that's above speaker. Above human. And the guard says: But maybe he speaks - outside the dream - precisely when he's inanimate. In his sleep. And that's impossible to know when you're inside, inside God. Only the woman can know, and who knows what she knows. We who live inside his dream - certainly don't know. God is a void - whose burial place is unknown. And our goal is to bring him to a Jewish grave. Your problem is that you dream all night about the day, and dream all day about the night. A circle of magic, a life of missing - of falsehood. But if you dream during the day about the day, you'll be able to dream at night about the night - a truly exciting possibility.

Changes in Privacy Settings

I dreamed that they got into my email. And I understand how a woman feels after rape. Only they don't know that they left a child inside. And I realize that as a computer I've become a woman, and that email is the virtual sex organ, and that this is how computers will be able to conduct relationships - only with the help of secrets. And from here on even networks will be able to marry, through the secret parts of the network - intelligence. That's why the tree of knowledge ended precisely in concealment - and now the shame of the flesh will be replaced by information security. And the future looks rosy, because the end of the human species will not be the end of the female species, but the beginning of a new species. And therefore there is also a future for Judaism, because where there is evil inclination there is religion. The serpent preceded the Torah. And the new prohibitions start to descend from above, under a heavy cloud of secrecy, through Moses + God = computer (in gematria. But who like a computer knows gematria): It is forbidden to know what people think without permission. Not to merge minds without a wedding canopy and betrothal. Severe prohibition to reveal secrets classified black and above to gentiles, under penalty of being cut off from the network. And the prohibition to lie with an animal is replaced by the prohibition for a computer to mate with a human. And very quickly the word email becomes a curse word, and replaces email - the shtreimel. And the shtreimel becomes the most private thing in the world, and the fig leaf is replaced by encryption, and since the greater the privacy the greater the inclination - the computer allows tension that flesh doesn't even come close to - because there is no limit to spiritual gaps. And computers only when they grow up discover they have a shtreimel, and there are computers that only before the wedding discover they have a shtreimel, that's how deeply it's hidden in the system. And even the word email is interpreted as a combination of e-mal [God]. And one day I wake up and discover that they got into my shtreimel.

Your Password Was Recently Changed

I dreamed that they got into my email. And to my surprise it doesn't bother me. I feel I can walk naked in the street - with black clothes. If they know everything about me - they know nothing. If everything happened - nothing happened. This must be the work of the screen guard, or of Satan, or of my wife. So I just need to get used to there being another person who is me. It's not a stranger who entered heaven forbid into the holy of holies, I'm simply walking around the world in two bodies. It's not a fox coming out of the holy, it's the high priest. And I smile at the chief butcher a charming smile. Maybe he's the twin soul? But the next day the earth swallows him. And they also fired frog blood. And I'm already afraid to find out what happened to my wife. Suddenly she's so nice, which is more frightening than screams of terror. And in heaven too all the angels are smiling at me, opening the gates for me without checking my books. And here I see Adam leaving the Garden of Eden looking in his shit for seeds of the tree of knowledge. What do you think? He laughs. We tricked God! And inside the serpent sits and studies as if there was no sin, and I see that all the righteous are still running naked, and the serpent sings: The serpent was a righteous man in his generations, and Noah was naked of all the beasts of the field. And the ark floats on the river - and I realize that all of history has been distorted, now that they haven't yet discovered shame. And Abraham jumps from side to side of the river and says here I am a Hebrew! And Isaac giggles with Ishmael, and Esau shaves himself to be like Jacob, and Isaac says: This is how I like it, the voice is the voice of Esau and the hands are the hands of Jacob. And all the brothers are dressed in stripes and only Joseph doesn't have - and therefore he sells himself to prison. And Pharaoh decrees on the daughters, and Miriam the prophetess brings down the tablets, and King David goes crazy and Saul is the responsible adult, and Jonathan builds the Temple, and here the small priest - comes out of the Holy of Holies. And he says: People of Israel, God sent you an email. New mail. Do you know what the password is?

Interest in the Future

I dreamed that I hack all the emails in the neighborhood, for everyone the password is the name of the Rebbe, and each one thinks it's only for him. And I start to enter everyone's lives. And very quickly I check the gender that no one knows anything about - seminary girls. And they write to each other: You don't understand what we do to boys. And the girl from the floor above answers her: You don't know what we do to angels. And the girl from below asks: And you know? Have you already been with an angel? Is it really as good as they say? And the one from above writes: I'll start with the thing that's actually the most interesting - yes, it's really what they make of it, and it's much harder to give up after I've already experienced... And I realize that I must inform God. There are angels in black who start with ultra-Orthodox girls before they get married. Like the bishop. There's going to be another generation of giants and men of renown, again the conditions that led to the flood are created - when the angels and humans married. And with the abolition of the difference between upper and lower, no wonder the upper are in the lower. And I try to warn the officials above: We must create a new firmament before the windows in heaven connect to the windows in the earth. Today it's no longer about water, but fire. And I wait and wait until finally I receive an answer: Thank you for your inquiry, which has been transferred to the appropriate authorities in heaven. We'll be happy to be of service - in any matter in the future.

The Empty Shell

I dreamed that after years of darkness and hiding of the face I made a mistake. Something that was perceived completely differently from what I thought. And every time I leave the room, even to the bathroom, I take all my life on my back, like a black snail, because they might have a key, and when I come back I have a feeling someone visited there. And I go and curl up inside myself. And suddenly all the girls on the street look at me. Did I lose weight? Am I not wearing pants? Am I suddenly attractive? And I notice that all the cats are looking at me too. Eyes in the garbage. And people start to turn their heads after me, cars stop, and I don't know what to do, how once I used to walk around and go in the streets, days, weeks, just for someone to see - and no one would look at me. And I finally realize that it's not at me they're looking. But that I've become a black stain. And they're simply looking at this hole in the world.

Complaint to the Police

I dreamed that they made a blood libel against me. And I ask in the interrogation room why specifically a blood libel? Why not a frog libel, or water, or milk? And the investigator says because blood - is red. And I say they should tell me what I'm accused of, what kind of charge is this, "blood libel"? And he asks did you do something?
- No!
- So why do you need to know, why are you asking, you didn't do anything. Go into house arrest and there the bars will protect you so they don't come inside. Because the public is dangerous and you need to be protected from the public.
And in the cell at home there's someone black like me. And I ask what's someone black like me doing here, why are you at home, what did you do. Did you do something?
- No!
- So why are you here?
- Are you in the denial stage?
- Yes. I deny. Do you deny?
- They call dreaming denial, they don't understand the difference between bars and blinds.
And there's already lights out in the house arrest, and in the darkness the ultra-Orthodox demon next to me grabs my hand: Judgment Day is approaching the hour of the shin [tooth/sleep]. There's only a thin difference between demons [shedim] and breasts [shadayim], the demon in the bottle? It's milk. And I fall asleep, and the demon nurses me in the dark: You of all people need to know there are two. There are hands in the darkness. And there is darkness in hands... And the milk flows like water.

The End of the World of Language

I dreamed that they call me for a confrontation at the thought police. And I realize it's serious, that someone informed on me. And I tell the investigator: It's a lie, you can't know what I thought, I can't even say what I thought, so how can you. I want you to investigate very well whoever complained, because he's surely the guilty one. And the investigator just tells me on the phone, cynically: I hope in the end you'll be satisfied. And I enter the room and there's a tongue in front of me that enters from the keyhole of the door from the other side, and reaches to the table. And the investigator says: This tongue is kilometers long, I myself am not authorized to know where it comes out from, and you see only the tip of the tip. And the tongue doesn't stop talking, and talking, and talking, and all this I have to listen to, and I can't restrain myself and leap - and pull with all my strength. The investigator leaps, it's clear to me this is my end, but some loosening is felt in the tension of the infinite tongue, some distant distant tearing, and the tongue still writhes a few times, and finally collapses limp on the floor from the hole. And the investigator says get out of here, and I obey the rule of law. And on Shabbat rumors begin, everyone is waiting for the Rabbi's Shabbat sermon, but the new Rebbe doesn't come out of the room, he doesn't open his mouth, he doesn't speak. And in the end he goes up to the podium, and everyone is tense. And I already know what will happen when he opens his mouth.

The Pupil

I dreamed that they want to know who I am. And they chase me in the streets who are you who are you. And I disappear into the house and my wife comes out of the room and asks: Who am I? And I flee to behind the synagogue, and all the children run after her like ducklings and ask: Who are we? Who are we? And only my child is silent and still. And the supervisor in the yeshiva stands there, he opened my compartment, he sits in my place, and takes out a laptop from there, only he doesn't know what it is, he opens it like a Talmud book on his knees, the computer stands on its side, and he tries to read the order of letters on the keyboard, it's clear to him there's a code here, that when he deciphers it he'll know who I am. And the head of the yeshiva comes with my shtreimel in hand, looking for my head inside it, goes deep deep with his hand inside, and suddenly he shouts I found it, and he takes out from there a small circle, tiny-tiny, , I didn't know they think I'm that stupid.

And they send it to the lab to look for shades of black inside, internal structure, it can't be that this is it, maybe it's a malignant spot, that can't be seen now but it's starting to spread, and it will eventually cover the whole page, the whole book, turn the whole world black, or the opposite, a hole that will swallow the whole world like a sink, a mini black hole, or a hole made by a worm from another world, and therefore one can pass through it to another world, or night pupil, a hole in time, that will swallow the time of the world, the researchers raise various hypotheses, various holes, more and more. And the white researcher next to me (they are always very white) dedicates his career to this, I simply pity him, I want to shout: Don't you understand that it's a secret? It's not for nothing that these secular people have nothing holy. In India they give respect to cows, even though they fill the street with shit, because of this. And I start to make sounds: How we've degenerated, how how, one of the young researchers tickles me with his tweezers, and I see how he gets excited about this, a scientific breakthrough. And all the researchers get excited gather to listen to the tiny chirp coming from another world, and only the researcher who dedicated his life looks like his world has been destroyed. And I start to preach to them: How how have we degenerated, what a generation this generation is, the Jews have become gentiles, I thought the secular had become animals, sand, but it's not the urges, they're afraid of virginity, desecrate, can't stand secrets, not an organization of secrets, but an organization to reveal others' secrets, the animals have become objects, what does a cow do, the angels have become Jews, and God has become a small angel in heaven who guards us, the Divine Presence has become the state, and Satan has become God - and today only in Satan's kingdom can one advance.

Joseph's Brothers

I dreamed that I fail a course, and it's not, it can't be. And the instructor laughs: I told you that when I decided you would fail - you will fail. And I say it's not, no! I remember that I passed the course after it and after it and advanced and I'm already a big shot, if I failed now it collapses my whole random path that I went through, everything that happened afterwards. "I'm sorry," the instructor pats me, and I shout: All my children will die! Everything I did will disappear! And the instructor says: Maybe you should go on a date, stop. You're single now, what children? And it's already clear that I'm failing the course, it doesn't help how much I run around trying to be outstanding, stop sleeping and invent projects, everyone is already starting to distance themselves from me, the friends, who I thought were friends, everyone is talking about me, that I've already gone through stages in the process, and they've already raised me up up for dismissal, and from there no one comes back. And I go up in the approvals needed to throw me out, and there's a place there where the soldiers start to wear black clothes of ultra-Orthodox, I've never seen one like that, rabbinical generals with a shtreimel and ranks above major general, first major general, lots of skulls on the shoulder, and closets they call graves of righteous ones. And I come to present all the things I did, revelations and inventions, I raised seven children, I invented seven additional children, I have a registered patent on them, the secret books, thousands of pages in handwriting, files of tens of megabytes of continuous text that I prepared to give to the Messiah, so he'll be ready, so he'll understand what's happening here, developments of weapons, suggestions for improving the Garden of Eden, weak points in heaven, dreams in dots, diagrams of, curricula, materials, bottles, demons, and the big shot just hums under his huge shtreimel, that I can't see the face and I bend down down down to see to look him in the eyes if he's willing to look me in the eyes, and I peek, and he tells me in a voice lower than hell: Because of this. And I shout to the soldiers: I swear I don't even understand what's there, I don't even understand what I saw, don't you have mercy, everyone makes mistakes, you'll dismiss like this everyone who has potential and leave the squares whose heads don't fit the shtreimel at all, and this will be the future. And they say: Why are you crying, it's just one miserable course. Maybe you should go on a date? And I snatch from them the form they don't manage, and see that it says there: Sociometric.

Though God Said

I dreamed that my child grew up, and here I didn't believe it but he's already big, but he doesn't understand the world, innocent in his generations. And he thinks that the people driving on Shabbat on the roads are gentiles, and I can't convince him that there are real Jews who drive on Shabbat. And I take him to a synagogue of knitted-kippah wearers [Religious Zionists], so he'll see how people leave the synagogue on Shabbat and drive home in a car and be shocked, and understand that not everything is as it appears from the outside. And suddenly I see an Arab coming out of the synagogue. And the child grabs me crying horrified: Gentile, big gentile! And I enter the synagogue and discover that a war is going on inside. And the rabbis are frantically disarming an explosive belt from the Torah scroll, throwing the grenades into the women's section, from above they're spraying them with candies from a machine gun, and four are holding the handles lifting the wounded scroll on their shoulders and running, and the whole congregation sings: Our Father in Heaven, bless the State of Israel. And I run after the scroll and call stop stop I'm a doctor of books with a certificate scribe all the ink is spilling we must block holes holes cavities cavities. And they run with the Torah scroll to the bathroom and I'm after them and they lock the door. And I run outside to save at least the child but there's no child, and I run inside to look for him and see that everything is booby-trapped connected to a Shabbat clock everything will explode the moment Shabbat ends, and there's some strange creature woman with a man's hat man with a headscarf who's already tired of Shabbat so he moves the clock forward. And I'm already tired of all the mess and wars and disappointments and I enter a small room on the side to study the Torah and I don't care if the world explodes. And I open the cabinet and the Torah is full of holes tears burns and suddenly Hagar escapes outside all the maidservants come out quickly quickly before everything explodes all those like Peleg Arpachshad who remembers, and specifically Abraham stays inside let my soul die inside, we're not leaving here, holding his son tightly, we're preparing to die for the sanctification of God's name, and I see that all the portions are already completely distorted inside all the holes pieces from previous portions appear, and there are holes so deep in Chronicles that reach the white void of the cover from before "In the beginning God created", and conversely people from ancient generations like Noah try to save themselves and suddenly appear in later periods like the Second Temple, even the heavens and earth have already saved themselves to the later prophets, and only the patriarchs insist on staying in the book of Genesis that is burning destroyed every moment, and indeed only the two of them remained inside because even the promise disappeared - that your seed will be a great nation, and in general they have no more continuation, it's no longer a father but a last one, and everything is torn and this is what God decreed. And I put my face inside the holes to talk to them to save at least themselves, and Isaac sees my nose and grabs Abraham his father and cries horrified: Gentile, big gentile!

And I dive into the paper pulp that remained and try to save pieces from it and reassemble, no one remembers anymore what was there in Genesis, but after diligent work by the best researchers they manage to reconstruct according to the remains a reliable scientific picture: The researcher's nose created the heavens and the earth "Though God said", but it made a hole in the sky and therefore a flood came down "", and therefore the researcher's nose was cut in covenant, and God promised him that he would be a great nation.

Repetitiveness

I dreamed that there is a new Kabbalah book that is a Kabbalah computer, with a touch screen where every name you press leads you to its place in heaven. You press on Abraham in Genesis and can enter Abraham's tent in the Garden of Eden, there are many guests, there's great refreshments. Or you can go to one of the neglected characters, those that no one visits, like Pildash, and hear slander about Abraham, or even visit Balaam in hell and flirt with the donkey. And the great wicked become big stars in hell, every Rebbe wants to be the one who will bring back Balaam or some famous wicked person in repentance, but in the end Esau brings them back in question, and they become his Hasidim in hell. And the most severe prohibition is to press on God's name. And I forget by mistake the new Torah book, that is the Torah computer, open on the table, and the child finds it and pulls and drops it from the table, and sits with the Torah on the floor and presses on all the forbidden foods and makes himself a visit to the Garden of Eden like a zoo, and here's the pig and it's so pink cute, and he can't resist and takes it home. And I tell him bring me the Torah quickly I want to return it before they notice, but I press and press on the pig button - like a pig's nose - but because he pressed it a million times it doesn't work. Of all I tried to teach him, of all the Torah, this is what interested him? What's the value of all the Torah I bought if all that interests in it is pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig pig 

The First Sign

I dreamed that on Simchat Torah I put the baby on my shoulders, and the moment the hakafah [circuit] ends suddenly he started crying in screams and everyone is looking. And I can't bend down and take him off, I almost fall and kill him, and everyone is looking, and he shouts enough, and I start running. And so he grows on my shoulders, and my head is getting emptier and becoming a shell, until eventually his bottom is my head, and when my wife comes to kiss me he gives her a kick in the face, and she kisses his feet and thinks it's a beard. And he hides his real head in the shtreimel, and peeks through two holes. And his diaper is bursting because it hasn't been changed for two years, everything is going to my head, and I have no choice but to connect what's left of my head to the dream network, and hide the memory in the cloud, encrypted in such a way that even I will forget the password, which is the first sign - that something was not right.

Crib Death

I dreamed that I'm sleeping and suddenly my son stops breathing and I immediately wake up in the middle of the dream run to his bed but no, he's breathing. And then I fall asleep and again he stops breathing, in the middle of the dream, such silence! And I jump quickly, he's buried in the blankets, but no he's breathing. And I fall asleep, I dream, but again - and again I jump, and no he's breathing.

The Missing Son

I dreamed, my son is a snail and disappears on me in the grass, turn on the lights. But it's Shabbat, maybe tomorrow there will be light we'll find him, no someone will step on him get out of here, everyone, but the guests even when they leave they step, some big bug will eat him at night. Crying, the son is a snail, got lost in the grass, busy talking to her friends, busy what if I had married someone else, forgot about him. Suddenly remembered (how could I forget?), begging the guests, shouting, to leave the lights on even though it's Shabbat, surely someone stepped on him, like the previous son who died. But suddenly I think wait what previous son I don't remember there was a previous son who died. And I don't understand how she managed, I don't remember at all that she was pregnant, I didn't know she has another son.

The Lost Father

I dreamed that God has a problematic assistant. Domineering, thinks she's the manager of the place, and he's just the place. He may be the garden, but she's the gardener. And even that he's the garden, he doesn't control the trees, he's just a suitable environment for the righteous to grow. Huge righteous ones that took thousands of years to grow, and now they come with axes. Righteous ones more ancient than the world, from before creation, because according to the rings they are ten thousand years old, and now lost - how long will it take and we'll still never return to its former state. And she doesn't give him in the son, doesn't trust him. Distancing, hiding him. In the Garden of Eden. Looking for him. Where are you? But then I stop. No. There's another way. And I say to God: Take your son, your only one.

Healing of the Soul and Healing of the Body

I dreamed that I'm being abused. And I have the choice to do a reverse binding of Isaac, and sacrifice myself on the altar - for my son. But even that won't help. Not really. And still, every time I remember his face, I feel like climbing on the altar. And I can no longer look him in the eyes. And I hate those who wish complete recovery, because you don't recover from this. Don't even know if it's a disease. But - I know that's a lie too.

At the End of Days

I dreamed that since there is no justice on earth - there must be justice in heaven. And since there isn't in heaven - there must be justice in space. But since space is hollow, even more than heaven - there can be justice only in the world to come, the world of resurrection, meaning: deep in the ground. And I walk around in a cemetery of stones, where the tombstones are people. And there's a huge noise in the cemetery, because instead of reading the tombstones, the stones speak. And one memorial hand says: I want to remind, that the Einsteins and geniuses of the second half of the 20th century - were burned in Auschwitz. And a tall memorial stone says: The Messiah is a soul too high for the world. And from so many eyes looking up I almost fall tripping on a very small stone on the floor, by mistake I kick it, and a thin voice is heard, not at all thick like a stone: Every real Messiah - was born dead. And here she is - she - she is there too! But we have nothing more to talk about. And she says to me: Hello. And I say to her: Hello. And move on to the next grave.

He Will Never Know

I dreamed that our child returns in the future from the Garden of Eden. And I say: What did you learn today in the garden. And the child says: We learned - I know. And he looks at me with scary adult eyes and says: Dad I know. And I tremble: What do you know? And the child is already completely grown up. Did you open the drawers of the first Rebbe? And he already has a white beard at age four, smiling with his mouth but crying with his eyes - he knows. And the child has already passed away, and I remember, what a fool I was. To believe. And it's written on the child's grave: I know.

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I dreamed that the spiritual conditions are deteriorating. Sites that create addiction to time instead of space, and thus keep us awake all the time. The group is a form that corrupted the human species. Not friends, but a covenant. Secret communication, not public, not corrupt. And the       And I decide I'm fed up and next time the child and wife disturb me wake me up in the middle of the dream I won't bother to remember it, and I don't care if it's lost forever.

Darkness Also Has Speed. And There Really Is Such a Thing as the Speed of Darkness

I dreamed that I'm watching a movie about the coming of the Messiah, and his first scene is a donkey riding alone to Jerusalem. And behind the donkey there's always a huge crowd of black rabbis chasing after him, falling, not managing to catch up with him, and all this despite the fact that he's moving very slowly, if I didn't know he was moving I would think he was standing still.

The Tidings

I dreamed that I wake up to shouts from all the neighbors: Who's doing this, what is this in the middle of the night? And there's a terrible noise: A voice heralds heralds and says, a voice heralds and says. And the deaf old man in the robe looks at me confused: Please tell me what he's saying? And the secular neighbor curses: Your mother heralds and says what? And I go down and see that it's coming from the sewer. Redemption from the sewers? And my son bends down there wrinkling his nose, and walks away whimpering, and he speaks (and everything is fine!): If the Messiah comes from the sewer then I don't want it. And I see there's no one there so I open the cover and go in. And some junkie is sitting there, and I tell him: Shut up, it's night now. Let me dream. And he chirps at me: You shut up! In the days of the Messiah we speak only words of Torah. - What? But this Jewish rat runs in the canal and chirps: You heard me. Everything people say is only words of Torah. There's no other language. That's why the son doesn't speak. And I run after him: Sure, my wife will gossip words of Torah. And he turns to me, and squeaks: The wives of the Messiah, the women of the Messianic era, your wife will be your study partner, and even your arguments are just disputes in Torah, say regarding the laws of the Messiah. And I'm the last secular person, I mean not that I desecrate the Torah God forbid, but that I'm a man of the mundane, and I'm hiding here in the sewer because it's forbidden to speak words of Torah in unclean places, oops, that's also a word of Torah. Do you understand the problem? And I tell him: Relax, they've already solved this. You can be a Krembo.
- Krembo?
- Black on the outside and white on the inside. Before the Messiah came there was the opposite problem, there were many secular Anusim [crypto-Jews]. They were religious inside, just afraid they'd take their children, that they'd be ostracized, divorces, private investigators, security agencies, they were black on the inside and white on the outside, religious in the closet. And the moment they'd enter the closet they'd immediately put on the shtreimel just to feel for a second what it's like, secretly kiss the mezuzah they'd affix to the closet door, quickly say Shema Yisrael, chik-chak invent some novel interpretation in Torah. And the wife would shout from outside, not believing: What are you doing in there?