The Promise

For this child I prayed

I dreamed he was an extraordinary child, with exceptional concentration, and everyone looked on in admiration: If only my child could sit like that, and at such a young age. Even the neighbors come to see. All the books I read and bought for him are finally showing results in this little scholar, and my fair-haired child is developing, even at his tender age, a kind of obsession with books. And I begin to think for the first time that the crazy Rebbe [Hasidic leader], may his memory be blessed, might have been right about the secret that exists regarding the child. And Blood Frog, the new study partner they assigned to me, says: Don't you understand? The child is a genius. And I can't deny the proud looks from my wife. It's the first time she's looked at me like that. And I smile back at her. The baby was born old. Born a man - of the book. A tremendous diligent student from the womb and from birth. Not tempted by the nonsense of other children, this little one will be great. And we both watch our offspring from the kitchen and feel immense pride, who would have thought that from two like us would come one like this - and maybe that's the secret. He's crazy about words and letters, even more than dolls and animals, and he turns page after page, he doesn't speak a word yet but he's already reading so much, even more than me. Ten, twenty, maybe dozens of books a day. Does he already understand, and what does he already understand? And maybe he understands something that I don't understand?

The Ari [Rabbi Isaac Luria] who loved strawberries

I dreamed that it's clear to the surgeons and midwives that what's blocking the birth of the new Torah is not the stories for adults, there are solutions for that. But no one knows how to make Torah for children. Secrets: for children only. And the greatest of the righteous can't write - a children's story. How to make a dairy secret Torah for infants, as opposed to the meaty Torah made from a cow? And if there's nothing for the Messiah to read in childhood, the Messiah doesn't grow, or a Messiah doesn't grow. And the doctors yell at the Rebbes that there's already concern for brain damage, a retarded Messiah, a donkey Messiah, and they decide to extract the redemption with a vacuum, and deliver it premature, and let it grow in an artificial womb - an incubator. And a baby Messiah is born, some little Moishe'le who comes down the slide with a cardboard Torah, which is what this Messiah has managed to bring down so far, and is nourished by some substitute Torah for infants. And I draw a donkey with a skullcap and sidelocks - and call to my son at night:

Once upon a time there was a rabbi donkey, called Hammurabi [wordplay on "hamor" meaning donkey in Hebrew]. A small white donkey, a bit smelly, who wanted to bring the Messiah. Hammurabi went to the holy yeshiva, the supervisor called him for a meeting. Hammurabi brayed: Supervisor, supervisor, have you seen the face of the Messiah? Said the supervisor: We don't want a donkey here, there's no Messiah here. Go away to the garbage, smelly donkey. Hammurabi went to the frog's garbage can, here's Jeremiah the cat, maybe he knows? Jeremiah the black and righteous cat, loves to wail, loves to pray, and drinks only Israeli milk. Have you seen the face of the Redeemer? The cat laughed at the questioning donkey, and sent him straight to hell. Hammurabi went to hell, where the head of the scapegoat is rolling. Hammurabi asked: Where's the body? Said the goat: Insolent donkey. Our little donkey lowered his head and brayed: Have you seen if Jesse's son passed by here today? The head rolled its eyes and said: Here in the desert? Go to Gehenna! Little Hammurabi went in Gehenna - met Satan there. Said the offended Hammurabi: No one wants to ride on me. Said Satan: White donkey, little cutie! I'll ride on you, come here. Let's go out for a walk in the dark, I love the smell of diapers too. Good night cutie, eyes closed, welcome to the land of dreams.

Visiting the sick

I dreamed that my son, the wondrous infant, is sick. And my wife is in a panic that it's my fault, all the books not suitable for children, she knew. Who reads the Book of Creation to a toddler? And the angel Raphael comes to snatch my son to heaven and I hit him with the holy Zohar boom on the head and he screams, and I grab his wings and they break, and he tries to jump out the window, and I grab him from behind and I'm left with a feather from his tail. And my wife claps her hands and I look down and see an ambulance taking him to the cemetery everyone is sure he fell from the sky. And at night I go to the cemetery, looking for him they buried him outside the fence, who commits suicide from heaven. And suddenly I see the angel of death digging with his nails trying to forcibly remove him from there, because the fools buried him in the ground, not understanding that the secret is in the spirit, and they went home. And I yell at him scram! And suddenly I see that the tail is in my hand. And the angel of death turns around me and asks: What's that you have in your hand? And I invent a lie from my sleeve: It's nothing a feather from my wife's tail. And the angel says really your wife has a tail I want to see, house call. And all the way home he jumps around me: Ooh cutie she actually has a nice tail. You've won, our rabbi, you've won, this is a perversion that all our wicked ones can only dream of. That's what attracts, that it's allowed, that's all the fun. A modest and kosher daughter of Israel - with a tail.

Lower blockages

I dreamed that they're beating my family because of me and I'm not doing anything. Brutal beatings. And I go to see the bodies and can't identify who is who, my wife's eye on my son's mouth, and my sister-in-law has a tail coming out of her forehead, wait, who in the family had a tail? I thought only I had one! All these years, I didn't even have anyone at home to tell, and that's what hurts the most that he or she too, and I don't even know who it is. The women? Can't be. The men? Can't be. My wife? Can't be. Why, why didn't you tell me? And the tail wags at the head: Why didn't you tell me?!

The secret of pregnancy

I dreamed that there's a terrible big secret in the family and everyone is hiding it from me. And I try to think of all the possible combinations, and nothing fits me. And finally I give in and ask my wife for a hint. And she locks me in a room, so I won't get out, because she understands that I'm starting to understand. But I peek through the crack and see all the other adults playing, hide and seek, these are the games that prepare children's souls for the two sides of the secret Torah, the active interpretation and the passive hint, the secret that runs away and the secret that disappears. And the small black animal they're chasing and hunting approaches and I'm afraid it will enter to hide with me, because I'm a child. And the big black predatory animals are already catching up to it and it starts to cry and the animal with the tail takes pity and says never mind, come hide inside me from the others. And I come out of hiding: She's inside her belly! And I see that she, I see that my wife, my wife hid her inside her belly. And I'm all full of blood and amniotic fluid and placenta, and all the animals smell, and my wife hugs me don't come close, don't bite, don't bark, this is the secret of future levirate marriage, my husband is my son! And I'm so happy and grateful to her that she gave me a chance to start over, a baby. This time I won't make the mistakes, this will be the correction. This time I won't marry her, again. But she's not offended, just hugs and kisses me with tears, after so many years, could it be that she doesn't know what's in my head? And she says to me: My thinking baby, do you remember what you thought when you were a baby? What did you plan for the future, what kind of Messiah do babies have? And I come to scream, but she covers my mouth with her breast. And the breast says to me: Baby!

And my mother says: Sweetie, you think this is the terrible big secret? Maybe it's terrible but it's not a secret. You need to grow up. And in this period women really do completely control men, and there's an electronic beard that grows long like a tail, that the woman ties and if you run away she pulls you back home. And I have a friend from the yeshiva whose wife pulled him from the window. And she says to me: You think this is the terrible secret, maybe it's a secret but it's not terrible. And I'm born in an era where children are already born bar mitzvah, 13 unnecessary years of lack of knowledge, and babies get married at their circumcision, saving. And I ask at my own birth party, which is also my wedding and also my circumcision and also my bar mitzvah, and maybe even my funeral: How did you get to this state? And the shriveled beef steak, in raisin sauce, shouts: Righteous Jews, like a nursing mother - a cow by definition is not kosher, meat mixed with milk from within, it's a historical halachic mistake that we've reached such a state. And the blackening chicken says: I died in the Six-Day War and since then they've kept me in the anti-Zionist sector for a special black event. And the wine says: I made a sanctification of God's name. And the Israeli salad says: I opposed and will continue to oppose the Iranian sultan in a cutting manner! And the Turkish salad says: I didn't pay a fine during the Turkish Mandate period. And the perfume says: I'm from the Holocaust 2.0, cells with an intoxicating scent and trains with a velvety texture. And the vase says: I'm just kitsch. And the plastic flowers say: Come touch, if you don't believe - button and flower [wordplay on the Hebrew idiom "as easy as button and flower"]. And the schnitzel laughs at everyone: That's nothing, I'm the Jewish answer to the prohibition of cooking a kid in its mother's milk. They take a chicken, fry it in its own egg, in the breadcrumbs that it itself eats. Three generations on one plate. And the old men next to me, who died long ago and only come to events, say to me: We still remember the time when women used to pull men, today they grow beards themselves. Once we ran away from the yeshiva, and they pulled us by the sidelocks all the way from hell to heaven. And when we almost reached the top - the sidelocks tore, they laugh. You were simply born in the wrong period in Judaism.

The daughter

I dreamed that my silent son is as beautiful as a daughter, and everyone stops me on the street and asks if I'm selling him. And I understand that this Joseph needs to be hidden, because his mother doesn't tell him stories and he really looks like a daughter. And she also reads Psalms over him instead of Talmud, and pampers him like a princess, and is afraid to send him to the synagogue, and he throws to the sky the skullcap they put on him, and prefers headscarves. And maybe him being a daughter will protect him from the evil eye, a fruitful daughter Joseph? And I'm afraid he'll turn out gay, because he's too beautiful, and I don't forget David son of Jesse and Jonathan. And I wonder if something in the relationship of a child with his father, in the connection of souls, can cause him to grow up gay, because it seems he loves me too much, and even my wife is already jealous. She would prefer that he prefer her, but I bring him all the books (he already has over a hundred). And I hug her from behind, as we like, and whisper to her that I know she suffered, but there is reward for her action, and that she should prepare, this child will be the pride of the family, everything I shamed he will correct. Yes, I feel something. There's a secret inside the child, not just another ordinary soul, like everyone else. And indeed - there is in the child a measure of royalty, the measure of David, which has nothing of its own: he just reads and reads, learns and learns, like a sponge in love with the holy letters. Until a person gets married he can be the Messiah. Afterwards he can be the one who brings the Messiah. The donkey. And then everyone will grab their head and say how did we not realize, for it is an open secret that the Messiah is royalty, meaning the Messiah will be a woman. Aunt. And he reads endlessly - but doesn't say a word.

The words of the master

I dreamed that they tell me: We know. And I can't guess what they know. About my wife? About the computer? About the dreams? About the book? About the child? About the Rebbe? And someone comes from the highest ranks, who tongues tell was very high up with the previous Rebbe, with an exceptional classification. Master Huliaretz [wordplay on "hul" meaning sand and "aretz" meaning land]. And this master, the first time I meet him after hearing years of rumors about him, says to me: Don't be afraid, I just want to do research. And as we get closer to the research front every science turns into religion, because everything goes into the realm of faith, sometimes even messianism. And why? Because then - it enters the realm of secret. The success of modern science is because it has become more religious, spiritual, abstract, a teaching of hidden worlds: a secret doctrine (that's why Jews are good at it). Just like mathematics learned to deal with unknowns. And he inserts a pill into me as if the circle was a hole, and I don't even know what's happening on the other side of the page - the other side. And he laughs: What, cat got your tongue? You thought the black universe would save you from the white page? You need to know that physics is the basis for mathematics, not the other way around, and the laws of physics determine the laws of mathematics, and in another universe there would be different mathematics. There would be different solutions to dreams. And the scientists who build you the technology in which you hang everything - including the computer in which you bury the dreams like a head buried under a pillow, the computer in which there is no other side to the screen - they themselves believe in female goddesses, like the beautiful goddess of mathematics, and in geniuses in the secret doctrine who merit her grace, and in theories that are doctrines. They are worse than ultra-Orthodox - they are ultra-Orthodox in white coats. And he plugs my hole with a heavy shtreimel [fur hat worn by some Hasidic Jews], a crown that will not allow any brain to escape, and says: Don't worry, it's a standard procedure. Just like God's plug, the sefirah of Keter [Crown], which does not allow the demon to come out of it. And as for my esteemed secular colleagues who tempted you to deny the woman, and see her as just a combination of brain and breasts... they themselves are dying for her to look at them. Maybe these secular people are not worshippers of God, but they are worshippers of goddess. This is exactly the phenomenon called Shekhinah [divine presence], and from the moment they removed the big man - they compete for her heart. That is, those who come from above try to enter her soul, and those from below - the womb. That's why they're busy all day just trying to attract her attention, to pull to the feminine side of the world by the braid. And it doesn't matter what her hair is - net, wig, antennas, or blonde. The whole difference between religious and secular is whether they believe in the big man - but they all believe in the big woman. That's why there are no truly secular people - only heretics. We are all men.

The daughter fantasy

I dreamed that I don't know who she is. And before me is the book of darkness, in letters of white sanctification, asking me in a teacher's tone: The upper woman or the lower woman? And there's an exam silence. And I don't know who they are, what they want. And all the books from all the shelves are looking. He doesn't know. Where have we come to that books speak? And they whisper among themselves, shush, the white Holocaust, and the black sheep, baaa. And my daughter, who has already forgotten she was a son, comes up the stairs. Dad bring me a groom. And I say what have you become like your mother. Girls these days don't get married. Even the married ones remain single. And she says: It's your fault, Dad. You didn't know! And I say: Who would want to marry you, with a father like this, you know? I'll marry you to the book of darkness. If it knows how to speak in the dark, who knows what else it knows how to do. And I put a hat on it and all the books whisper, did you hear he's going with a human daughter, and she's going to read him before sleep, and read him after sleep. Read in the dark.

And every time I open the book now it says: No peeking allowed. And I already regret passing it to a woman's hands. And a few moons pass, and her belly swells, and the neighbors say they'll take her out and burn her: Who would want to marry her, with a father like that. A father who didn't know. And I say at least wait for the grandchild. And they tell me that if the father is written in letters that can be read in the dark, much blacker than the night, then in the son it will already be possible to read in fire. In the burned book - in letters of sun sanctification. And she goes up to the stake with phylacteries and a staff, and the cantor begins with what we light and what we don't light, and her belly starts to burst, to peel from the heat, and I say aren't you afraid we'll all burn, but they throw in more and more pages, and I see what they're throwing and scream, and all the guests, she's exploding, in a white Holocaust, and coming out of her - sun! And everyone says: Happy New Year, Happy New Year.

Correction of the circle

I dreamed that they come to talk to my wife. And the man enters into a woman, and they enter with my wife in a room. And Blood Frog comes to me in bed: Are you feeling well?
- I can't sleep.
- Do you want a pill to help you sleep?
- What are they talking to her about for so long?
And Blood Frog strokes my head: What a round head. It's a shame, you could have fit perfectly into a shtreimel, like an egg fits into a nest. I remember even before you were born, once your previous Rebbe took us on a trip to the heavens, and of course he had no idea where he was going, and we all lost our way, and almost didn't return. And I left the group into the forest, and there was an angel's nest there. And I said I owe myself an egg. And there was a white female angel there, and I didn't want to take the mother with the children. So I chased her away, and took the egg. And she returned to the nest, covered her eyes with her wings, and I ran away from there. And I would hear her crying from kilometers away. And afterwards I said, that I'll return the egg, and I came to take it out of my pocket, and it broke. And I couldn't fix it, no matter how hard I tried, everything leaked and broke between my fingers. And since then I decided that I would be a doctor of circles. And the professional secret is that you must not break the shells. You need to keep them whole, and incubate them. The world of circles, a world without lines, and without straightness, is the world of correction. So open your mouth - and fall asleep. And I say with a closed mouth: Don't you dare. Where is she. And for some reason Master Huliaretz takes time from all his important affairs and comes to me in bed. But he just stands by me for a moment - and leaves.

Corners of the Circle and Circling Corners

I dreamed that I hear a black siren and my daughter, who still manages to hide that she's not a daughter, won't stop crying that now they'll put a siren of darkness on his head. And my wife tells her that it's better than a siren inside the head, and if they treat me like this I'll be able to dream during the day too, and not waste the days talking to her and only dream at night. And Blood Frog says that if the body turned into time then his head turned into Rosh Hashanah [Jewish New Year] and therefore it's round. And therefore we need to talk about him in the third person, so he doesn't think he's one of us, because with a round head such a thought can be very dangerous, and slip. And that in our department they've long been asking why I stay until late hours when everyone goes home, what am I doing. And what are these books that I'm hiding. And he tried to defend me, but they've already organized to inform on him to special investigations. And Blood Frog looks at my beautiful daughter and says: I'm also a baker, not just a doctor. And he whispers to her: I'm not allowed to tell you, but it turns out there was already a covert investigation, and they discovered that he's one of the people of the previous Rebbe, the crazy one God forbid. Only Huliaretz gave an order not to touch him, they don't know why. So they sent him a dangerous book, a book that would bring him down. And the book didn't come back. And he tried to marry you off to a book, even though you're not supposed to get married, he smiles. And they say they also saw him kissing a computer, and reading in the dark on completely black pages, and chewing gum. And my wife says: I love him. And she takes a broom and my daughter a shovel, and they roll him out, singing: For it's not nice, for it's not proper. And he tells them: You know what the next stage is. I'm sorry.

The Circle Closes

I dreamed that I fall in love with my wife. And suddenly my head feels hot. And I think is this the famous love? Even the shtreimel warms the brain more. And suddenly it disappears. And I wake up and above my head is Blood Frog, and he looks through my ear, worried, trying to see what's inside, and says: Hair in the ears after the wedding, natural protection of the body, for the brain. And at my feet I suddenly see that Master Huliaretz himself is standing, tall up to the ceiling, and asks: Do you think we need to call the magbiah and golel [Torah scroll handlers]? And my wife is sleeping next to me in bed and tells me: If Shabbat is an acronym for Sleep on Shabbat is a Pleasure, do you understand that it's recursive? Shabbat is sleep within sleep within sleep within... And we never reach the pleasure. And I quickly cover her before Blood Frog and Huliaretz see. And Blood Frog says that his leg is alive and his brain is dead, and that's how he becomes a pipe between the world of the living and the world of the dead. And Huliaretz declares my bed as a closed religious area, and they take out all the children and all the animals and all the utensils from the house. And they darken everything, and I think with my leg, that they want to do the resurrection of the dead through me, but Huliaretz has other plans - that the living will pass, not that the dead want to return, but the opposite. And one of the wicked dead starts to tickle my feet, and I don't move. And here they put into my mouth some composition that Huliaretz sent, and he doesn't want it here or there, and there's a blockage. And now I understand what Huliaretz wanted. And they invite a matchmaker for me before death, to connect between worlds, and my daughter is crying in the other room.

The Matchmaker

I dreamed that I dreamed. But the dream is not inside a dream, but a dream outside a dream. And I can't resist and stick my head out of the dream. Peeking outside the world, like looking at what's happening outside the screen. And what do I see? I try to - but immediately they cover my mouth with a hand, but not a hand on the mouth, but they put a hand inside my mouth. And they start taking out pills and compositions from there. And I tell these angels: What about the Rebbe's privacy? I know things about him that I didn't tell. And they say: You shouldn't have looked. And I ask if they know Huliaretz, and they laugh: Do we know him. And some angel arrives whose two wings are people, because his hands are deep inside them. And he tells me that I can serve as a pipe, because in the examinations they found a hole at my bottom. And through me it will be possible to search for the missing Rebbe, who knew how to turn the new vessels into new lights. Because everything is starting to become mobile. Mobile computer mobile phone. Mobile donkey mobile messiah. And even mobile paradise. And trees are starting to grow legs, and the river wanders in the sky like a snake, and one day they fell asleep, and when they woke up in the morning God wasn't there, and all of paradise had traveled to another place, like the Tabernacle, to some heavenly Mount Sinai, to receive a futuristic Torah, and they were left forgotten behind, and they don't know why, why they're still in the previous world. And he rummages inside me and rummages and I hope he won't find. And my wife asks me inside the first dream what are you doing up there all the time with the door locked, come to bed. And I say that I'm eating in the dream, and I'm constantly afraid that I'll forget to say the grace after meals and I'll wake up without blessing, and I don't even know if you need to say grace after meals in a dream, on one hand angel drumstick is tasty, on the other hand not real food. And she says you need to ask a rabbi in a dream. Because a real rabbi won't know the law that exists in a dream. And she says it's very good that I'm sleeping and that's the role of a man, while the role of a woman is to be awake - according to the Torah. And that she doesn't want me down there at all. But - your daughter is crying, and it's time for you to go to the matchmaker.

And I start going back in the heavens - forty days and forty nights before the creation of the world, when it was matched to another world - the World to Come. And because the Jews, who are the organ of mating, are blocked - the mating doesn't come to fruition, and no heir to the world is born, and now it's already the end. And the frustrated matchmaker says: Soon the World to Come will be pregnant, and it hasn't even married yet. This is going to be a serious mountain. A scandal. And I ask him: Do you already know who will be the match for the world? And he laughs: That's a common mistake. When you see a Rebbe picking his nose - know that he's not just looking for mucus, he's mating the finger with the nose, between the world of action and the world of smell. Button and flower. That's why I suggest to girls today to wait, not to marry boys, but only angels from the sons of God - for the sake of connecting worlds. Because if the woman is above the man it's better to have an angel above her, and that way God's grandchildren will be born to them - with one wing. And then we can bring the next flood, which instead of drowning the world in water will drown it in the sky. And just as in the previous flood everyone except the fish died, this time everyone except the angels will die. And that's the reason the Rebbe prepared "The Ark". And in that period before the flood, the heavens will be cursed, and will grow only thorns and thistles, and ten generations later Abel will kill Cain, and we'll return to the Garden of Eden. And I know some special angels who would be happy to take out the fruit of knowledge from the belly through the mouth - and return it to the tree. And the angel comes to describe how the woman will return to being a bone of man, when he falls asleep, and instead of the angel taking me out of my mind, he takes my mind out of me. And they close the dream - and I'm left outside. And I suddenly remember, oh! The dream is already over. I forgot to say grace after meals.

Purim or Yom Kippur

I dreamed that I understand that women have become gentiles, all of them. And I'm looking for the last Jewish woman. Otherwise it's the end of Judaism. And I publish ads: Real Jewish woman. And all over the world a hunt is conducted, even the gentiles want her. And I find a matchmaker underground, and he says: You know what I like about today's third of paradise? This place reminds me of school - it has an atmosphere of a cemetery for human culture. Think about the Rebbe - no visits, no friends, it's not so pleasant to see a closed paradise - especially if you're inside. They say you were in his room, right? A visit to the closed ward, heh. But well, that's what happens when the Messiah rebels against God.
- You could just as well blame God. After all, that's the meaning of I am who I am. Just as they tell you to be yourself, so he is he. He is he.
- Yes, but to actually organize? On such a scale. And even bending, you know, in such an ancient place it's so dangerous. Entering the Bible stories, changing things, so that Esau catches Jacob red-handed. And then all of history changes. And then they wonder why there are no Jews, all the Jews turned into gentiles.
- Dear matchmaker, what do you suggest?
- Look, this whole topic of mating is passé. And with paradise today - fine if you were offering a third of hell. From our perspective as matchmakers, we've passed the stage of the network and connections, we already want to move to the next stage, we no longer need to mate the Shekhinah and God. Instead of for the sake of unification - I suggest for the sake of innovation.
- But my daughter!
- She's the last Jewish woman, but you're not allowed. And you're not allowed to tell. Do you want a groom or Satan?
- Matchmaker! What's your proposal?
- I propose a Torah of women. And they'll already be worse than the men. I'm no longer interested in connecting papers, from a matchmaker I want to integrate into the organizational Torah of the new Rebbe, to be an organizational consultant!
- You've betrayed too?
- The new Rebbe promises a new paradise, and I want to forget the hell of the old Rebbe, where even paradise was hell. Every righteous person has his chance to bring the Messiah. With the new one at least there will be joy. After all, there's a struggle with Satan, and he wins at every stage, each time a different righteous person fights to extract the Torah from Satan, and the women disappoint. So the Rebbe tried with the Messiah's Torah, and fell with the anointing. Just as Adam fell with Eve, and Abraham with Sarah, and Isaac with Rebecca, and Jacob with Rachel and Leah, and so on.
And the matchmaker opens and closes his mouth, and starts spitting pins rhythmically: After all, the main religious action in the world is in the field of writing, art. His craft is his Torah. Therefore we need to bring back innovation, inspiration is Shekhinah, and therefore it's heaven and spirit. And Satan is inflation, and therefore he has demons and spirits. The meshugene Rebbe forgot that there are two ends, because there were two trees: the end of knowledge, and the end of life. And instead of reaching the end of knowledge he's taking us to the end of life. Instead of the end of the world being Purim, until one does not know, he's trying to take us to Yom Kippur, who shall live and who shall die.
- You're talking as if he's still alive!

They Didn't Make Me with a Finger

I dreamed that everyone tells me it's for my own good. The daughter says it's for my own good. And my wife for my own good. And Blood Frog intervened for my own good in the high windows and in the high dreams. And the little children walk around with Shema Yisrael over their eyes. And I say: If I can do gematrias I'm fine. And I calculate and find: Shtreimel in gematria equals head hat. And all night I dream such high dreams, until in the morning all that's left of me in this world is just one finger. And they say around that what happened to his Rebbe will happen to him. He's straight on his way to him - soon they'll meet. But I can still type. And the daughter draws me eyes and a smile. And my wife even buys me a special finger shtreimel. But when I come to kiss her she says: You won't shut my mouth. I'll call the magbiah and golel. And I run away to the study hall, and they catch me at night trying to hang myself on a Torah scroll. And they come to me in bed, and take my tefillin, and attach a guard to me. And everyone says it's for my own bad.

The Girl's Future

I dreamed that my girl is embarrassing me, starting to walk with a shtreimel in the street and talking to dogs, disappearing into houses of famous rabbis. And her mother shouts where did she learn that, to walk with a shtreimel! And the kindergarten teacher and the teacher come to take me to re-educate me - but I don't touch women, so they thread my hands inside their hands without touching them, like human handcuffs, so that if I move even a millimeter I'll touch a woman who's not mine. And that's how we need to coordinate the progress slowly slowly, any sharp movement and I could be disqualified. And meanwhile the girl jumps from house to house and the whole neighborhood after her, and we need to jump quickly quickly before the houses collapse, from too much - and the girl shouts daddy I love you and all the women open their mouths in amazement - - and flies, insects, frogs that come to eat enter there, snakes that come to eat frogs, it's not that they eat non-kosher, it just grows in them, a whole system, after one enters the whole family comes. And everything swarms in them, and I have no hand or foot in all this mess, a pig grows in their belly that eats even the kosher food, so what they really have in their belly is a pig, and they walk and swell and their skin is almost touching my skin! And the girl says daddy I'll save you, I'll prove to you that women will be different, the next generation, and her mother laughs: Yeah, sure. And wipes her with a handkerchief like dirt, like sweat. And all the flies come once there was a girl here, once there was a witch here. And I tell her, to the lice that remained from her hair, it's your fault traitor, puberty like an eel you slipped away from me, everything I taught you, everything I passed on to you, secrets of the Rebbes, secrets of the rabbis, all for the secrets of the kitchen.

Under the Wings of the Louse

I dreamed that from between the hairs I see a louse that survived on the floor. And it still has complaints: It's not enough, what to do? And I bend down to it, trying still to be fatherly, it's the last thing left of the girl, it has her blood, and lice don't live in wigs. And the girl's louse climbs up a hair of my beard and hop it's already inside. Eating from me. And I tell it no, the mistake was, listen louse, I don't care about the blood, but not like this, if you want to communicate with me at all, you need to be swallowed inside me, for the woman to be swallowed in the man, and not the opposite, for me to be swallowed inside you, sucking my blood. Know this, lice aspire to the brain. They just cling to the hairs, they simply get stuck on the scalp. Come, the brain is full of blood. I'll reveal to you, there's a secret opening, a spiritual patent, to enter a person's head, between the ear and the eyes, that is not exactly there, all the nose, the tongue, it's just hieroglyphics how to enter... And she walks on me outside the beard and it tickles terribly but I try so hard not to scratch not to crush so she doesn't fall off me, and I try to explain that the method for connecting very different levels (I deliberately don't want to offend her) is that the angel's feet become your intellect, your eating will be my thought - just as God walks in the world and His feet are the holidays, the three pilgrimage festivals, and that's how the world revolves and time progresses, and I don't know if she's getting me at all, what does a louse understand of a human, but here I understand she's inside, already in the brain raging with pleasure slides of blood, not satisfied and tearing tunnels inside the brain in all . Never mind I have many backups, I'm still capable, what thoughts is she making for me? Terrible thoughts she's making for me? Feminism! The rise of the woman-computer against the man, the Shekhinah-network as a space of femininity. And she tells me: You were wrong when you interpreted it literally. Not your wife. The mating is of God with the Shekhinah, of supreme inspiration with the network, not yours personally with the network. You're just an organ, an organ doesn't need to think it's the body, that it's a human. Think if your leg developed megalomania! In total, the people (who are organs of God) and the women (who are organs of the Shekhinah) need to meet anew. After the Aryan Amalek murdered the previous mating, the Ashkenazi one, now the time has come for the Sephardic mating, before the Iranian Amalek ruins that too. That is - are you with me? Do you understand what the louse is saying? And she slides down a blood slide, spraying in all directions: After failing in Europe the mating between Jacob and Esau that fixes Isaac, we need to fix in a higher place - Abraham, father of many nations - in the mating of Isaac and Ishmael in Asia, who bury their father together, like Shem and Japheth cover their father together. After all, the problem with the previous mating of Japheth within Shem, which is lips, was that it lacked Ham, which is brain. Do you understand the difference between a mating of language and of brain? Because instead of Japheth dwelling in the tents of Shem as written in the Torah - it was the opposite, that we dwelled in Europe. Don't understand? Come, do you want me to reveal to you the end? She eats at my brain hard hard. Where is she digging? But the louse doesn't let go, sucking and sucking: The secret of the end is that there are two ends, two possibilities for the end of the world! The end of the woman, and the end of the man. You know, when we were inside the woman, everyone just wanted to be okay, even though we were eating each other, the frog was eating the flies just to look okay. And I think hard hard with all my brain, so that everywhere she'll hear: With me you can be not okay, it's okay.

I don't know if she hears. But here she's advancing to some area in the brain! Don't go there, you won't want to talk to me anymore. Disappeared, not able to know anymore where she is. And it comes up in my thought the end of all flesh has come before me, but there's also another possibility, salvation, the end of the ark - the black box. You know what goes in, but you don't know, what comes out - and here they're already entering. Black dots. And more black dots. After one enters the whole family enters, no longer letters but just pixels. . Lice, brain swarming with lice! Red thoughts sucked to completion by black thoughts. . . I was wrong, the black brain won't be a network of information, but a network of secrets... Not an intelligence organization... but a secret organization; that's what the Rebbe wanted, who was not entirely okay. And all the time the incessant buzzing of the lice: Not okay, not okay. And the lice eat everything, don't leave anything for future generations, jumping in a red egg, the red liquid spills, and everything is a mush of blood, the last islands of the brain are disappearing, can no longer know if there's a new culture of lice there, or a flood of blood. And my last thought is: Wine.

Wine Goes Out Secret Comes In

I dreamed that I look at him reading and delving with attention that even adults don't have, sitting for hours, both a small prodigy and a great scholar, and think that maybe there's an advantage to a son, and maybe precisely the child will succeed in everything we failed at - with the old meshugene Rebbe. And I don't know what to teach him first, numbers or letters, Kabbalah or Talmud, faces or sefirot, and my wife hates that I sing to him in the dark before sleep: Alien child, he's strange, baby from space. But the dream that redemption would come by a female was one of the Rebbe's favorites, who thought of space as a black womb. And I watch him turn another page and another page in the book. Loves God hidden in deep secrets. And the secret of the daughter is maybe that she's a son, and therefore she mates foundation with kingdom? There's a limit to how much the dream can influence reality. The child remains a child, and laughs at some nonsense. And he turns another page.