Summary of "Haaretz" ranking (top of the table): If you believe it can be ruined, believe it can be fixed

People ask me: What's the reason for the drying up of the Bitch's critical spring? Has the newspaper improved so much that there's nothing left to criticize? Why have you abandoned your post while the caravan passes? Return to your kennel, Bitch. Therefore, as a service to dog owners, provided by the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, I will present Haaretz from a satellite view: an in-depth cross-section, a broad picture, and a general horizontal overview of the newspaper's state, which reflects the state of Israeli intelligence, which reflects the state of the Jewish nation, which reflects the state of creation, the breaking of vessels and destruction, which reflect the existential state of the dog. If there are no bones - eat meat

The criticized in the eyes of criticism - and criticism in the eyes of the criticized  (Source)

Recently, the Bitch has encountered a kind of professional confusion, which might be called critical confusion, which is at the root of the decrease in critiques. She has no strength to read the newspaper. It's deteriorating. It's at a low level. Below the red line (the bottom one! And sometimes even below the bottom line). It's boring and it's even boring to write about it. To criticize - one needs to see value in the criticized, and that's becoming difficult. To bite, you need meat, and only bones are left to throw to the dogs, and it's hard to find taste in that (yes, what do you think? Dogs need proteins too).

The result is that I'm exposed less and less to Haaretz and to current affairs in general, and on the other hand, I'm experiencing a corrective process, which I can only call: detoxification. The brain is more creative, less need for passive information pushed at me, and even when I do - even my Facebook is at a higher level than the newspaper (but that's only because I did "see first" for the right people and pages). How was I addicted to this garbage for so many years? From a young age, I saw my grandfather reading a newspaper in his grandfather's armchair, and it turns out that I will no longer be a grandmother reading a newspaper in a grandmother's armchair. I might write a few more final critiques to clear the table of the pile of unread newspapers accumulating on it, and from there I'll move on to alternatives to newspapers for thinking people - for thinking people.

Therefore, in honor of the end of the school year - I decided to give grades to the newspaper. A kind of summary report card (a farewell card?), from the good (relatively) to the bad (not relatively). The grades are out of 10:



The Culture and Literature supplement has long ceased to be a culture and literature supplement, but rather Tzipper [Translator's note: Benny Zipper, the editor of the supplement]. We're talking about an editor whose job is very easy, as all Israeli literary and cultural discourse funnels to him, and he also has the heavenly mandate to publish any work from any period of world culture (!), and still produces mediocre plus (and sometimes minus) work. His identification with his chair has become similar to Bibi's [Translator's note: Benjamin Netanyahu] identification with his chair, and it's no wonder that nothing remains in either of them except the chair. Therefore, on the day they lose their chairs, Tzipper and Bibi will be quickly forgotten, but will anything remain of the chair itself? The entire future of the supplement rests on one question: who is the next editor. Another second-rate editor will bring about the end of the supplement as an institution, whereas a first-rate literary figure can renew its glory days and inject new life into Hebrew culture. Maybe Assaf Inbari? And the paws tremble on the keyboard: maybe Oded Carmeli, whose star has recently risen in Haaretz supplement, wouldn't be so terrible? This is the question of the year in the Israeli literary republic, which of course is afraid to discuss it, and leaves the discussion to the dogs (here).

In matters not related to literature, stagnation rules the supplement. The cultural part of the culture and literature supplement is its weakest part, and is mostly entrusted to third-rate academics (sometimes charlatans like Yigal Ben-Nun and often moldy ones who had the misfortune to research Eastern Jewry), and its entire purpose is to provide a boring background to the more colorful literature, like a peeling gray wall for a painting. A typical example of this is the weekly Torah portion column (yes, I know it's only interesting to former Ulpana [Translator's note: religious girls' high school] girls and current bitches - not a common combination). Once it was a regular column by the excellent Y.Z. Meir (who started with a Zoharic spark and ended up as a full-fledged researcher and sorcerer), replaced by the intellectually challenging Yair Caspi, apparently too much so (a kind of one-man Jewish-psychological school). So he was fired at record-breaking scandalous speed in favor of the okay Ariel Seri-Levi (mediocre and reasonable Bible research) who was replaced in favor of the current disgrace (former Ulpana girl? I stopped reading. More boring than an Ulpana weekly Torah portion page) - and all this just because Tzipper decided to do affirmative action for women (yes, pathetic), and because it's the part of the supplement that doesn't interest anyone (and today not even any woman), so who cares (I do!) - let's sacrifice it to Moloch.

Opposite the niche Shabbat bulletin for Ulpana-bitches stands firmly as a rock a #niche blog completely uninteresting to anyone who doesn't live within the borders of Tel Aviv, a.k.a. the boundaries of the universe. Why isn't this in Haaretz Blogs? Because they quote half a poem and a quarter name-dropping? Because we too are "Benjamin" and Tel Aviv is also Paris? Apparently to indicate that "wandering" (once a matter for the police) has turned from folly to culture. So why not really change the name of the supplement to Folly and Literature? The ratio between the profound real estate devaluation in Tzipper's supplement to its prestige (which stems from its rarity, not its quality) is pure gentrification of imported trends at the expense of real culture. In the continued decree of who-cares, only the column that it's a shame doesn't close both eyes competes. Uzi Zur is everything that's bad in Israeli art criticism, which thinks it's literature, and has no connection to either criticism or art - and also, unfortunately, not to literature (despite some of his more direct attempts on the subject). After the damage of abandoning criticism to Zur, the mediocre illustrations (mostly) by the permanent house illustrator, instead of choosing from Israeli art, or at least art history, are collateral damage. And who's a cannon? Yonatan Hirschfeld. So why - you'll ask - does he have a miniature column in the format of a wadi [Translator's note: dry riverbed], compared to the river of Zur's outpourings or the extensive space for research on correspondence between the gabbaim [Translator's note: synagogue managers] of the Turkmenistan community to Turks from the Gabbah-stan community?

Because with Tzipper - and this is his big secret - it's never all bad, there's always an alibi for the crime (against culture?), and there's always something to read in the content. But the considerations, oh, the considerations. The preferences of the content, namely the form of the supplement and its editing - are fundamentally distorted, not because of differences in taste and judgment (if only), but because of the corruption of judgment and taste. These random points reviewed above, among many others, join as a kind of synecdochic examples to Tzipper's deep editorial rationale, who is a great follower of the institutional theory in aesthetics (and thus also perceives his own institution - as a political institution - and as a cultural gate that shapes and doesn't reflect it), but even more so - of Foucauldian-power thinking about culture. Tzipper doesn't believe that things (for example - poems) have value in themselves, intrinsic, but everything is measured as a lever within the system (and therefore the creator is often more important to him than the creation). A masterpiece in the Tzipperian conception is not such because of its internal power, but because of its influence, and Hassan is not an important poet because of the aesthetics of his poetry, but because of its effect. The number of talkbacks is what turns a graphomaniac into Alterman. And even a boring list about a list of names from the Maghreb (a Moroccan phone book) is affirmative action. Therefore, contrary to the established cliché, Tzipper is not at all a man of literature, and has never been a man of literature - but a politician. His current deviation into the political field is not a whim, but a response to the deep trend that drives him - manipulation in the field. For who is a greater manipulator of systems, and on the other hand devoid of any intrinsic value, than Bibi? Tzipper is the Machiavelli of Hebrew literature, and his contribution to it in the long run will be remembered as negative, especially because he was only interested in the short term. The emperor will be forgotten, while the masterpieces written during his reign (forty years I was weary of that generation, and said, "They are a people who err in their hearts, and they do not know My ways") - will be remembered.



The news: functioning. More or less. In the print edition. This in itself shouldn't have been news or headlines, but days have come in Haaretz when if something isn't deteriorating, that in itself is already news - and a sensational headline. After all, the headlines in the online edition are clickbait, meaning traps designed to deceive the reader. It works once. Twice. A hundred times. On the thousandth time - even the dumbest reader no longer clicks. And who's left? Who becomes Haaretz's audience? The square of dumb. Every newspaper deserves the readership worthy of it, and who said Haaretz isn't opening up to new audiences.

And the commentary? Yossi Verter is becoming a kind of Uri Klein of politics - always the same good merchandise, under the same fixed assumptions, but for twenty years now, and the Bitch is satisfied but not impressed. Amos Harel is okay, but he's not as brilliant as Amir Oren (whose disappearance mystery the Bitch solved here - thanks to her developed sense of smell). Other "commentators" like Chemi Shalev have long since sold their pens to an agenda, and the only enjoyment from reading Chemi is seeing how the Trump phenomenon slaps him in the face again and again (and again. And again!), and he doesn't learn. Simply abuse of reality on our correspondent in Washington - the land of unlimited interpretations. Just like the American Democratic left, which he diligently voices with complete lack of self-awareness (that is - typical), under the guise of legitimate news commentary. Pach [Translator's note: "tin" in Hebrew] is short for pachhhh [Translator's note: an expression of disdain].



Under the leadership of Uri "Shchori" [Translator's note: a play on the word "black" in Hebrew] Mark (here) the magazine maintains a sick but stable condition. One of the questions that always personally bothers me as a canine soul in such cases is this: Does Uri Mark know that he's producing a mediocre minus magazine, and is trying to improve it to the best of his ability, or does he think the magazine is excellent and is proud of it (the monkey in its mother's eyes - is a deer), and doesn't understand at all what the dogs want from his life? In almost every magazine there's still at least one article worth reading, and in almost every magazine there's all the rest. Does "Shchori" Mark think that if only he had the resources and writers from the classic period of the magazine, and that he's not managing to produce a better product because of the constraints, or does he really think he's producing a wonderful magazine that continues the tradition of the past - and doesn't just parasitically suck credit from it, until the credit dries up? Even 20 Questions is deteriorating with flattery to the deteriorating audience itself (isn't it a modest demand to learn something of value - even modest - from each question? Because most questions have one fixed answer: interesting to my grandma). And this is just a typical example of what's happening to almost all the columns. The magazine combines a kind of inertia of a ship, along with a general feeling of the sinking of Haaretz's flagship. And the captain, as known, is the last to leave (no doubt he's a good guy).

On the other hand, "From the Famous" is a brilliant idea, which deserved to be expanded, and like in "Alaxon Classic" to publish classic articles from the magazine's past days, or just historical articles that will show the gap between present consciousness and the past, or the real-time response to significant past events. If your tradition surpasses your present achievements - reminisce about it and use it - especially in front of a generation that didn't know Joseph. For example, the selected letters published by Dov Alfon from the magazine under his editorship. And by the way, if there's one thing that can make the Bitch come home with the newspaper in her mouth and her tail between her legs, it's bringing back Dov Alfon! An excellent editor both in Haaretz and in Alaxon - which shows that the editor makes the newspaper.

Continuation of the all-time "Haaretz" ranking - bottom of the table