The Mission

The Art of Maintaining the Rebbe

I dreamed that the previous Rebbe, "the Meshugene" [Yiddish: the crazy one], called for me again, for the circumcision ceremony - after forgetting about me since the wedding, and abandoning me alone with her. And I see the gabbai [assistant] circling around there like a dog guarding the Rebbe who was left outside the door, and he warns me: The Rebbe lives in higher worlds. Nothing he says should be taken literally. And he tells me - for the thousandth time I hear this story - about the insolent dog that the Rebbe told to disappear. The poor dog doesn't speak Hebrew, but what really finished him off was that he didn't know the Rebbe was speaking in Aramaic. And the Rebbe called to him again: Disappear, disappear. And the frightened dog began to ascend higher and higher until he vanished as a black dot in the sky. Encouraged by the Rebbe's miracle, the gabbai added hesitantly: Will you tell me later what happened inside?

And I enter the Rebbe's room and the Rebbe is in darkness. You can't see anything. I just hope it's not one of his terrible moods. People go to all other Rebbes to be healed, they enter sick and leave healthy, but with him the wonders are different, they enter healthy and leave sick. One left mute. One was blinded for a whole year. Another left limping. And then they wonder why people don't come. A friend of mine came out and didn't want to talk to me. I promised not to tell anyone, I begged, and he wouldn't agree. After a year he told me that the Rebbe had said only three words to him. I asked: What can you possibly say in three words? And he said: He said: God has AIDS.
- Are you sure he said God?
- You know, he doesn't like when people say Elokim [a respectful way to refer to God]. He hates formalities. Don't you dare address him with an honorific title.
- Maybe he said "tree" [etz in Hebrew], and you just heard AIDS? I mean AIDS, how could that be - if he was only with the Divine Presence?
- If you have the courage, ask him yourself.
Another guy said: You need to prepare. You'd prepare for a trip abroad, wouldn't you? So for a trip beyond the heavens, shouldn't you? There are truly remote places in that world. In our world, there's a limit to remoteness, but not there. There's a place where the only way to get there takes 120 years of continuous walking. And from there starts another path, which they say takes several generations. Of course, no one has ever returned from there alive. And there are frightening places, where the Rebbe himself doesn't wander without his dog. Can you guess which dog we're talking about? In short, don't forget to bring water.

And the Rebbe inside asks me straight away: Do you have a license?
- What?
- If you want someone to arrive, first you need to bring them.
- Who? But I don't have a license!
- Then let me teach you how to drive the chariot.
- The Rabbi means a car, right?
And the Rebbe begins a crash course in driving which is a crash course in Kabbalah which is a crash course in life - which is a crash course in Rebbes: First of all, you want to drive. Why? Don't ask. That already comes from another world, not from driving, from nothingness. Then comes the theory, which is the wisdom of driving, which mates with the practical driving lessons, the understanding, and we enter the embryonic stage of the lessons: the pregnancy. Are you with me so far? Have you passed through the terror and joy of the test? Good sign and congratulations! But you still don't know how to drive - you were only born yesterday. Only now have you entered the black, real world of roads - and journeys. The circumcision is just the license. That's why it's on the organ of knowledge, the snake. Knowledge - knowing - comes from experience, like with Adam. Up to here is Chabad (wisdom, understanding, and knowledge), and then there are opposing driving approaches, for good - and for evil: You can drive with a feeling of immense grace surrounding you, giving everyone the right of way, everyone, just let them pass, let them cut in front of me. Or with an approach of judgment, getting angry at everyone. Did you see how he overtook? Solid white line! The law! And from there it continues: anxiety, police, and deep into the dark side - accidents and the angel of death. The terrible age of two. And of course from these two is composed the more mature synthesis, from which various styles emerge. One son is competitiveness, the judgment within grace: I overtake everyone! No one overtakes me! And the second daughter is the grace within judgment, the glory: to maximize some aesthetic ideal of yours, beyond the law, that you uphold. For example: the safest, or the least fuel, the least time, the least effort, etc. Here the supreme challenge is of course the traffic jam. And after you've formed a style and matured - there's another kind of coupling. This is the foundation of creativity in driving: Look, you made a nice maneuver. From there comes the pleasure, but also the danger, from there comes the blood. Especially if you made jumps in the chain of events. And in kingship you're no longer conscious of your driving. You are the car. You can already be in another world. You're dreaming.

Donkey Powers

I dreamed that I fall asleep at the wheel and arrive at the house of the Rebbe, who thinks he's our lord, our teacher and our driving instructor. And he's holding his shtreimel [fur hat] like a steering wheel, making vroom vroom sounds, and when I enter he almost tears the shtreimel and shouts: Beep! Can't you see where you're entering, are you blind? And I look at all the pictures of previous Rebbes around who are looking, and think what they're thinking. But the Rebbe has already begun the lesson from the book before him:

People think that the souls of the forefathers are unfathomably distant, that they don't really know them. But you just need to feel the holy attributes. Suddenly you encounter an ancient soul, from the ancient world - within you. When you press the gas you feel the soul of Moses, when you press the brake you have something of Aaron's soul. Driving forward - Abraham's soul. Reverse - Isaac's soul. The steering wheel - Joseph the Righteous. Changing gears - Jacob our father's soul is impregnated in you. And when you sit in the driver's seat - King David! Because everything is according to the sefirot [divine emanations] in the world, and even transportation is connections. Therefore - whoever has learned the sefirot has learned the world. And vice versa: One can learn Kabbalah through the carburetor. After all, God created the car, right? Therefore the automobile was created in the image of the chariot, and that's the reason it has four wheels. So now you're starting to understand maybe what I want you to do with the computer?

And the Rebbe now puts on the shtreimel and starts driving with his head, while both his hands are holding the book and he's not looking at the road, really scary that he might break his neck in the turns, and he explains as he goes: You need to understand that the world doesn't end with your wife. Every device has a special kind of coupling with its owner, whether it's a chair, money, book, computer, or shtreimel. Not only does the woman want to rebel against her husband, not only do the gentiles want to be human beings, and not only the animals. Even inanimate objects! And here we come to the important point, today when the woman is no longer a car, and the car is not yet a woman. Why are there new, red, shiny cars at all? Why does every scratch scratch the soul, why do people love this machine, caress it, wash it? Only the attribute of kingship explains this. See how the holy tongue always reveals what's inside, unlike foreign languages that hide the inner essence. Because for us the male and female are aligned: a car is a woman, the kingship. It's not an "auto" [masculine in Hebrew]. And the progress in the lower world is just a hint to the tremendous progress in the upper world: After all, the four wheels [of Ezekiel's vision] rolled into the four tires, and today they're already talking about four directions, not just the way of right and left, and in the next generation - four dimensions. And the creatures became beasts, which became pistons, which became forces, like horsepower today, and in future generations - the four fundamental forces of the universe. And from here what will be next? I won't live to see it - but you will. Electricity, eyes, everything is coming, and soon wings. So of course there's also the breaking of the vessels, and it needs to be repaired in the garage, in exile from the road. But the road is home, it's its Land of Israel, like the stock exchange for money or the network for computers, and we are tasked with discovering where Mount Moriah is - hint: it's the place of the binding - and building its Temple for it. After all, the coupling itself is at home, and that's the main thing! Not the repair in exile. And so there's some limit beyond which I can't accompany you, I certainly won't enter there for you! Do you understand? After the wedding you've already left the desert and entered the land. This is your life, you're the driver - I'm just the teacher. And I'm sure you've heard the rumors about how I'm in the driver's seat and driving the gabbai in the back, the jokes that with me the Messiah carries the donkey, and the donkey rides on the Messiah?

I had never heard and didn't know what to say, and there was a long oppressive silence in the darkness. It must be late at night, the Rebbe didn't bother to turn on the light. And finally it seemed to me that he began to snore - somewhere in the blackness. Should I escape? And maybe he's awake? And then, who knows how much time had passed: Maybe he's not even there anymore? It's possible that I didn't notice, and under cover of total darkness he quietly left long ago and left me here? Very typical of him. What should I do? And I remained waiting like a donkey in the black room. Suddenly a whisper was heard: Come with me, I'll drive and you sit in the back seat. And I ask him where are we going? And he says: It's forbidden to say, it's the only place that's secret from the Torah, a mystery from the Torah - the most hidden site for Jews, which God himself covered. And he increases speed, in darkness, there's only one lane and he doesn't stop honking, as if someone coming from the opposite direction in the twists would have time to stop, and the shtreimel can barely withstand it. According to the darkness we're in the desert, but according to the turns we're on a mountain. And I ask him where are we? And he starts to accelerate and brake, accelerate and brake, and sings: And they journeyed and encamped, and they journeyed and encamped. And I ask do you want to kill us? And I shout where are you taking me? And he says: To the grave.
- I want to get out, I don't want to!
And the Rebbe says: To Moses' grave.

Trojan Donkey

I dreamed that many in the public think that now that the Messianic era hasn't arrived - at least we'll return to the days of Moses. And Moses our teacher is elected as Prime Minister, and gives orders from the grave. And the system of government is simple: The government secretary inserts a question, they open to a random page in the Torah, wherever it opens - that's where the answer is found. And the country begins a series of operations, like Torah to space with the Mitzvah Missile, which searches for signs of Jewish life in outer space, or the Mitzvah Submarine, which searches for the ten lost tribes on the other side of the waters, and can launch tefillin [phylacteries] that will hit a Jew's head from hundreds of kilometers away. And there are signs of feverish activity in the subterranean dimension, underground Israel, rumors of missiles sent beneath the ground that can reach Persia and Media within 20 years, underground drones that can reach every home, and make those who disagree with Moses disappear into the mouth of the earth, and there are huge complexes deep in the belly of the earth that are immune to the war of Gog and Magog, and an Earthquake Engineering Corps, the Mount of Olives begins to tremble at night... But all the time there are rumors that Prime Minister Moses is actually secular. Moshiko [diminutive of Moses]. And in the senior command they tremble with fear that the Rabbi of Israel has become irreligious in the grave, just now when they're waiting for H-hour. But what temptations can he already have there, after falling asleep forever in his sleep with the kiss of death from the Holy One Blessed be He himself? And just now, after one hundred and twenty? It must be something else.

And the cabinet convenes to decide on going to war in the Messianic era. And they receive an answer from the late Prime Minister - everyone is in extreme tension, and the secretary approaches with awe and reverence the library of the entire Torah at the bottom of the nuclear bunker, in case the country doesn't survive the Messianic era, and leafs through to the laws of the Messiah in Maimonides, within the laws of kings and wars, and the country's leadership is on edge. And Maimonides says that all this preoccupation with Messianic matters doesn't bring "neither to love nor to fear." And all those present lose their color, and the Chief of Staff mutters quietly to himself "Hear O Israel," but everyone hears him in the silence that falls.

And they rush the Chief Military Kabbalist, head of AMEN (Faithful God King) [Intelligence], to interpret the worrying intelligence picture emerging from the upper world - through the only source that has penetrated the highest ranks in heaven: the Torah of Moses. And the head of the intelligence community says: In our community there's a custom to say that from Moses to Moses [Maimonides] none arose like Moses, because fortunately for us, Rabbi, in the special codes department, this enigmatic Maimonides is deciphered by the hands of the RAMD (Rabbi Moses de Leon). Love is known to be the sefirah of kindness, the right hand, which brings the end of days from the right. And fear is of course the sefirah of might and the attribute of judgment, the left hand, which brings the end from the side of the Other Side. That is, Maimonides here simply says that messianism brings neither to this nor to that, but rather to a third direction, the end from the middle, where the body ends in the foundation - the end of sex. And the secretary blushes: That's what Maimonides is saying? But he explicitly writes that all matters of the Messiah "no one will know how they will be - until they are." And the head of the community answers: Nu, what's not clear? Only your conception prevents you from seeing the simple, obvious, self-evident meaning. Maimonides here explicitly gives us the method for bringing the Messiah: The way to bring him is - to know how these things will be. And say AMEN. And the Chief of Staff suddenly wakes from his slumber with a jump: Amen, may His great name be blessed!

But the dispute over Moses grows and expands. And a large faction of a Halachic state forms, and against it rises a second faction of a Kabbalistic state, and against them the third way, a party of an Aggadic state, with the opposing state in opposition against the deep Sabbatean state, and all of them together warn of the cheap popular populism of the Hasidic state supporters that's sweeping the public, and the whole thing starts to fall apart. And there's no choice but to send someone on a suicide mission - into Moses' grave. And Moses' government lays its hands on my head and sends me to save Israel from the internal threat, which is more serious than the external threat, because it's written that Moses our teacher didn't die, so he must just be sleeping and dreaming endlessly inside, and they take and insert me into the grave.

And I swim among the worms, and shout at them: Leave him alone, you don't understand, this is a terrible mistake, Moses was the Messiah. And the worms tell me: On the contrary, we are the ones who guard and keep him alive. And I see that his fingers are huge white worms that tremble with old age, and his lips are blood worms that writhe and babble silent teachings in the grave, and the eyes are giant cockroaches darting right and left. And I look deep into his eyes and see that they are two dung beetles, shining in the darkness, covered with fluttering eyelids of transparent wings that jump up and down, as if in a dream. And I ask: What is Moses dreaming? And the wise bookworms there answer: Why don't you read? And I see that the dance of the worms, they are actually letters that are constantly changing and transforming, and he too becomes letters, and the worms are words of Torah that ascend and go, and everywhere I follow the crawling, it's like reading all the thoughts of all the organs, even the big toe has ideas of its own - and only in the head on the forehead does he have a letter that can't manage to change into what it wants. Each time anew M tries to turn into S that passes to another letter and slips and writhes and returns to itself and it comes out only shemesh [sun]... Everything becomes shemeshemesh... And I get closer and see that each time the small worm there in the passage curves with a tremendous effort of contraction to Y but then comes hurrying a fat large worm of V and begins to curve and hasn't yet managed to finish turning into H and already turns the previous one into H and thus the name of God changes there, and everything returns to shemeshemeshem... And I can't understand what's happening here, what henceforth stands and serves, even here stands and serves, can't keep track, getting confuconfused... My brain is deteriorating, my IQ starting to plummet. And I actually don't know if it's stupidity, or perhaps my cognitive ability is rising, but it's a kind of spiritual laziness, that... apparently this too is just a stupid thought, that I'm too lazy to finish. And I ask: And what about me? And the worms devour and I touch my head that's bothering me and feel that on my forehead crawls a half-circle, which actually manages to turn into the desired H. And the ears lengthen. A tail. A long nose. And I look at them pale as chalk, and the white worms ask: What's happening to you? And I answer: Hee-haw.

The Great Trip After Yeshiva

I dreamed that researchers say Moses was a monkey. And I say it's not true, run away and resist, against the whole world. But even in school they're already teaching my children that Moses was a monkey. Defeated, I go out to the heart of the Amazon, to show them what a monkey is, and for them to understand the big difference from Moses. A banana is not the staff of God. And all the locals who see on the way this ultra-Orthodox backpacker, walking in the jungle hell in a black suit, think I'm a priest, probably like the missionary who passed there a thousand years ago, and grab me to put me in the abandoned church. And I shout that I'm Jewish, but they don't know what that is, there are people in the world who haven't even heard that such a thing exists. And I try to shout in Spanish that I don't have: Jesus - no! Moses - yes! And I start arguing with them if the Bible was written in Spanish, and they don't believe me that it's read from right to left, yes, sure, you read from the end to the beginning and therefore Moses yes and Jesus no. And I run away, I've run out of water, and finally I see some Indian, point to my watch and ask: How much longer to the next village? And he says ten minutes, and I don't even ask for a drink. And in the end I walk and walk and walk for ten hours, sure I've already gotten lost, until I see someone, who tells me: Ten more hours. And I look at his hand. They don't have a watch. They don't have time. And after ten minutes I see the village. And all the young girls in the village who just want to get out of there, and don't distinguish between Hasidim and cowboys from America, try to honor me, to hit on me, to feed me, and I try to explain to them that I'm Jewish, how, how to explain what a Jew is with hand gestures? They haven't even heard of Jesus and don't know, just to sway. And I shout: Ho-ho-ho - no! Cock-a-doodle-doo - yes! And all the village women cluck around me in greeting: Cock-a-doodle-doo! And I go deeper and deeper into the depths of the jungle. And the Indians here don't even know what a pig is and what a chicken is. And I meet a girl and ask: Is it close? And she smiles and nods. How long? Smiles and nods. Where are we? Smiles and nods. And I say to myself (no one has spoken to me for days): Forget it, she knows Spanish even less than you. And finally I see only animals, but they too quickly disappear when the jungle thickens into darkness, and I'm left with the insects.

And then the monkeys arrive. And they see my hat and steal it from me and I chase after them with my hand on my head and say please it's forbidden to go bareheaded for four cubits why can't you respect, but they bring the hat to some old monkey with sidelocks and a beard - and the monkey exclaims in astonishment: A Jew. And the monkey next to him says to him in Hebrew: Moses, this is our chance! And Moses the monkey starts to walk after me devotedly like a monkey everywhere I go. Even to the bathroom behind the tree. And I get annoyed at him: Enough! Will you come to my wife in bed too? Don't you have something original of your own to do, Moshiko Kopiko?
- Are you willing to be our source within the human species?
- Believe me, I'm willing to do anything for you to get off my tail.
And the monkey gets angry: Enough, stop disrespecting us! Today's monkey has progressed, we too need to be given Torah. Your whole Garden of Eden story, it's just an ancient echo of you being tempted to come down from the tree, because of the thumb, and being expelled forever from the jungle. Then you lost your fur, were forced to sweat and eat from the ground, and when walking on two legs the baby barely comes out of the woman. Then you also killed Abel, the Neanderthal race. Now the time has come for us to have our own Garden of Eden sin.

And he takes me to their yeshiva [religious school]. And I'm amazed to see hundreds of monkeys on the trees sitting in front of computers, eating each other's lice - and surfing the internet. And Chief Inspector Monkeyshon says proudly: Wait and see what words of Torah, what problems we're cracking, what innovations are coming out of our study hall. And he brings some beautiful and naked female monkey, according to modesty laws they still don't need to dress, and my heart pinches when I think of Zipporah - who was left on the tree. And the female monkey starts to recite to me like a monkey, screeching like a bird but in the tune of Talmud: How can man evolve to become an angel? Perhaps we'll learn this from the monkey. How did it evolve to become human?... And I'm horrified. The mutilated text is clearly stolen from the Rebbe's hidden files, I would recognize the style from outer space. And what's more burning, is that it's taken from the travel guide he wrote for the Garden of Eden, he didn't even let us peek at these writings. How did it get to these monkeys? Could it be that the Rebbe...? And behind Moses always stands a monkey with glasses and a breastplate of banana peels, who doesn't exchange a word with me but constantly looks at me and whispers in his ear. And I say to Moses: This monkey looks like you, is he your brother? And he says: Tell me, Mr. Smarty-pants, aren't you ashamed? If only you knew what we brought down from the tree. So you ate a little from the tree of knowledge and your brain grew, but to this day you miss the tail. You think it's great wisdom to enlarge the head at the expense of the tail? The wisdom is to keep the tail! But the female monkey with the bird voice isn't willing for her performance to be interrupted, one can really imagine how the angels plug their ears with their wings and fall from the sky, and how the Rebbe turns over in the Garden of Eden - face down:

Why did specifically Moses bring a new Torah in the book of Exodus, and not Abraham the ancient Torah, the Torah of walking, or Joseph's futuristic Torah, the Torah of dreams, from the book of Genesis? The secret of Moses' soul - that he was the first who knew how to write: "Write this for a memorial in the book". The patriarchs were illiterate. But now when language collapses to 0 and 1 we're going back again, from the names to the Torah of Genesis, to dreaming and walking and dreaming while walking and walking while dreaming. Again traveling in the heavens. But here great changes have occurred.
Once all you needed was to know the right name for the right gate and the right angel. But since the destruction in heaven paranoia is rampant, an earthquake in the Garden of Eden. There's no longer the right name. They've changed all the passwords, rewired all the paths, the garden has turned to desert, the river has turned to mountain, righteous have turned to pigs and pigs have turned to righteous, and all the angels change every two days. They don't trust anyone. The Holy One is in panic, and really who would blame him. The accepted wisdom says it must have been someone from the inside. All the righteous prayed that in the end it wouldn't be discovered that it was one of us, that's all we need. After all, the angels always blame the Jews.
Therefore today it's very difficult to know what to look for at all. Many times you can only get out of it randomly, and this is an expensive and painful way. After all, when you're born with a mutation it can be the Messiah, but also the donkey. And worse: it can be both the Messiah and the donkey. You have no idea what fear there is today to wander in the heavens. You say a name, and you don't know who will come to you. You put in your hand and don't know if it's a fruit or a snake. But I don't want to scare you, my son. My life's work was remapping the heavens. In countless journeys, in which I died a thousand times, I drew a new map of the new heavens after the destruction. Of course, as much as the current situation allows, including all the details that are most important to the average Rebbe: Where do you sleep? Where are the bathrooms? Where will you find good kugel in the middle of the heavens? And where is there a minyan [prayer quorum] in hell?! This guide is the donkey that will start your journey, and the she-ass that will warn you of the angel.

And I look at Moses stunned, and the monkey says to me mockingly: What, didn't you understand that the Rebbe called you only because he heard the name of the child?

Cloud Solution

I dreamed that I'm born again - as the Rebbe's son. And I think: Which of the sons am I? The one who died? The retarded one? Or the one who peeked and was harmed? And they tell me: You're mistaken, there were four sons. And I start to shudder at the thought that the daughter who didn't leave the house is actually a son. But the personal assistant has already come to take me to kindergarten, and I'm so proud that he has an earpiece and a beeper - the children say that the angels themselves send him updates. And the Rebbe designed the kindergarten like the Garden of Eden, for the elevation of the child's soul. Only that as always with him, the idea is more successful than the execution. He opened four garden hoses that were supposed to be rivers but filled the whole garden with mud. And in the middle there's a dusty tree that whoever touches it flies out of the garden, and there's some pathetic plastic snake with a broken record: Eat me, eat me. No wonder most children prefer the hell in the shelter. There are slides there, and tongues of fire, and pigs and snouts and carousels and witches, and devices like a slingshot that throws you in the dark into a pool with red water, yoohoo! There's no better punishment than being in hell. Even the best children start hitting to get there. Only one child doesn't hit anyone, no matter how much everyone hits him, and they tell him about the colorful rubber snakes that crawl between the reddening hell candies. And one day the Rebbe calls him. And this child returns with a piece of the Rebbe's beard. And he sticks it on himself and looks like a goat. And each time he returns with another piece. And everyone thinks: Wow, what a righteous one, this will be the next Rebbe. This is the hope of the kindergarten, our pride. And only I envy and hate this child to death. And one day this child eats from the tree - and flies out of the garden.

And I return home and my father is tearful, but finally he notices me. And he sits me on his knees, and shows me the computer that he doesn't allow anyone to see, and we're not allowed to tell. And because I'm small and don't understand anything, he allows himself to write in front of me. And I see that the mouse comes out of the screen, and he continues with it for more kilometers, deep into the dark territory outside the screen. Searching for something there. And I see that he drags from there all the way some file, to the desktop, and opens it. And I think that finally he might explain to me why he dresses me in girl's clothes, and talks to me in feminine language. But he's too busy with the letter that was intended for the second child, and now he will never read it:

My dear child,
Just open the computer I gave you and see what an elevation. See the souls that rose in thought. Because what is thought? God's computer. If He elevates you to memory, you have no idea how it is, suddenly you have access to a thousand divine resources, and you run run run alongside all the holy beasts. Only with the help of the computer above will we reveal God's kingdom in the virtual world, how there is no place devoid of Him. God Himself is called The Place, meaning the site in Aramaic. Meaning, Heaven forbid that He is some site. He is the site of the world, and the world is not His site. How to explain to you, child? If you were willing once to visit hell it would be easier for me. Because what is the Holy One, Blessed be He? The Holy One, Blessed be He is a layer... The cream of the cream, the cherry on top of the heavens, an additional final layer above the network cake - and highest of all, far above the layer of sites, above which is the layer of people - the users, above which is overlaid the layer of souls - the users of the people, and above them the layer of spirits - the spirit is the user of the soul and the souls are its sites, and then the layer of higher souls and so on, and above them all the layer of angels, above which is the Garden of Eden, and the clouds of glory, and the chariot, and the throne, etc., therefore He is above the highest content, and the most advanced form of organization, the place that the network only aspires to. If the network is the earth - He is the heavens. And we need to connect between them. How? With the help of the altar.

The Holy One, Blessed be He commands us: And you shall make for the network four rings of copper - on its four corners. And you shall put it under the ledge of the altar. But in order to fulfill the commandment to connect a copper altar on our copper network - that there should be a connection cable to the heavens above the network of connection cables on earth - first you need to know how it connects to the network: which four corners are we talking about? Does the network have tails? Can the network be squared? Does it even have four directions, like the heavens or the earth? After all, today there are still no directions in the network, no compass and no map - it has no image at all: no form. There is no east and west, up and down, head and tail. How can one even begin to grasp it? Therefore, if you want to reach the edge of the network, and give some orientation, because it has no edge, border or end, it must be a ring, meaning: a hole. A place it doesn't reach. This is the basis for topology when there is no more physical space but only spiritual. And if you want to give and fix it a face - then certainly there is no face without holes. So don't underestimate holes. These are the four groomsmen from the four corners of the earth, the rings with which one can grasp the network queen, and sanctify her - bring her to union with the king the Holy One, Blessed be He. A hole of darkness, what is mistakenly called a black hole, is not just decoration, it's the basis of space and time and the universe and genesis and even the end - at the end of every sentence in the world, no matter how long, there is a hole.

And he takes his head out of the computer and peeks in all directions, to see that no one is watching. And he puts his hands and feet into holes that have opened in his beard, and not 5 minutes pass and he gets lost inside his own beard. And the more he tries to get out the more he gets tangled up inside himself and he shouts from within: Help! Please. Can you hear? Just don't tell mom! And after two hours you already hear cries of distress: Hello? Oh no. Now I'll die and the computer is left open! Where am I? And after a week he's already completely lost, deep inside, we can barely hear him. Only the endless rhythm of the snake in the yard breaks the silence: Eat me, eat me. And finally, after the snake's battery runs out too, we hear from inside a last distant cry, the disappointment of a lifetime. What, this is the world to come? This is the world of the angelic network of the future?! All cotton wool. Neither network nor divine presence - but fog. A white cloud.

The Rebbe Who Didn't Want to Be a Plumber

I dreamed that on Passover eve, the eve of the previous Rebbe's passing/disappearance (some say: removal/dismissal), he took us to the mikveh [ritual bath]. And instead of undressing he started to dress over his suit, more and more, funny clothes - at first modern secular clothes and on top of them more and more changing strange fashions, futuristic, with parts he probably stole from the children's toys, all kinds of cables and wires coming out of the shtreimel [fur hat] and pants, and flashing and beeping like tails wagging on a dog, and his limbs burst into a foreign dance of changing letters, and the words were in Hebrew but as if in Chinese, and he sang some article: I say I say I say. And from so many clothes he grew and grew into a huge ball, it was already hard to hear him inside, I was afraid he would suffocate, and he gave us final instructions for the Festival of Freedom: Don't fix the broken vessels. Make new vessels, for the new lights, they are descending. And he looked at the stinking ceiling of the mikveh, which is the floor of the synagogue, and we all looked up and waited, no one understood what he wanted from our lives, nothing happened, and he simply started crying to us, like a clown whose joke no one understood: Never mind if you waste our water, but don't waste our skies. And then he jumped, with all the electricity, into the water.

The Lowest Place in Israel

I dreamed that I was walking walking walking boom falling into the pit. And this pit is the pit, which very very much misses, for thousands of years already, Joseph. The righteous one - foundation of the world. And at the bottom of the pit there is a General Staff discussion between the snakes and scorpions. And the Snake Chief of Staff spreads out a map and crawls on it, but because he is a crooked and blind glasses snake, crawling on the wall, the east is actually upwards. And he puffs up with self-importance and surveys the situation: The entire country has been conquered. Only this pit remains. From here we can only go up, from here we emerge and conquer the whole world. On the left side of Israel: Edom, Europe. That was our mistake that we went to the side of the Other Side, we thought we could fix it. On the right side: Ishmael, Africa. We are of course at the center of the world, in the middle of the body - the Middle East. We are a miniature face of the whole world: everything is here - just smaller. Above us is Babylon, the land of knowledge, where the Talmud was given, and from there we draw. Knowledge is the neck that connects the head to the body, and there's the problem - there's the bottleneck. The Persians and co. sit on the throat and don't allow the abundance to pass from the head to the body. That's why there's a disconnect between the ancient East and the new West, which is at the bottom of the map of course, and at its end America, the face of Malchut [kingdom]. Below us there was a tremendous struggle of three thousand years over the foundation - so that the abundance would descend downward. It started in Greece, from there after retreats it moved to Rome, from there after great retreats to Spain, from which in the end Malchut drew, what is called America. That's why Spanish Jewry ended exactly with the discovery of America, because then Kabbalah finished its great historical role as the foundation of the world - to break through to Malchut. On the right side of South America it was in the victorious way of Netzach [eternity], in conquest from southern Europe, and on the left side in the more innocent way of Hod [splendor] of North America, in settlement from northern Europe. And the main drawing of Malchut is today through New York, because it is the largest Jewish city in the world, and now they are even fixing California at the edge of the west, at the bottom of the world. And what's above in the east forward, at the head of the world? On the upper left side is the face of Ima [mother], Russia, from which Europe draws. On the upper right side is the face of Abba [father], India, and above China - the face of Arich Anpin [long face], from which the face of Abba draws, and therefore it is slanted, these are such high things that we don't yet have any grasp of them. And above in the Far East is Japan, the land of the rising sun, it is the crown of the world, above all. And the Chief Military Scorpion stings him: Excuse me commander, but here you're invading my territory. The Chazon Ish [Rabbi Avraham Yeshaya Karelitz] determined that Japan is the end of the west, not the end of the east, and the Jewish date line passes between Japan and China. Although many disagreed with him, and I rule - that this is the whole point that their beginning is wedged in their end. And that's why the world is round. And the Snake Chief of Staff coils and twists uncomfortably: Excuse me, you don't know everything. Round, huh? That's not all. The up-to-date intelligence picture, ahem, is classified too high even for the General Staff forum. It's taboo. And the snake clings to the scorpion and whispers and hisses, and everyone tries to listen, and all the cockroaches and pests crowd around the map to see, hey you're blocking me, be careful I don't step on you! They make noise, and suddenly the snake hisssses, shhh, shhh, there'sss a traitor here. I smell... what's that smell? A small sweet spy. There'sss a human here in the pit. Josssseph has returned! And the snakes pounce on me and crawl between my hairs, combing and beautifying me more and more, and the scorpions sting me in the cheeks to make blush, and the cockroaches hang on my ears like earrings, and the worms crawl all over my body like stripes, and the lice enter my skin and fill me with freckles small black dots and continue inward, and the Chief of Staff shouts: Forward to the red button! And I tell myself that I'll at least look up, one last time I'll see the sky, maybe they'll have mercy on me, maybe at least they'll cry for me - but I only see the moon and stars from the cursed dreams that brought me here. An evil beast has devoured him - and we shall see what will become of his dreams.

Evil Beast

I dreamed that I stop eating and start working on battery. And I see two zebras on the street, from those striped Hasidim, and hear that they are talking about the Rebbe, that the Admor wears this pajama, that everyone must wear like him, because he is actually asleep. And I start to follow them, and they all the way get excited and shout, that yes, what an Admor they have, during the day he is actually sleeping with open eyes, but under the closed eyes - he is awake at night. And we approach their Hasidic sect, and they switch to speaking quietly, in Yiddish (they think I don't understand, but it's exactly like German), in deepest secrets, that the truth is completely different, the real reason is that he wears this striped shirt so that the brothers will be jealous of him, that they will hate him. And I follow them inside, and we go around and around there for hours everywhere, but nowhere is the Admor found. He doesn't even live there at all. And I start to understand from how they talk - that the Admor is actually dead. He's not really living with closed eyes, and not sleeping with open eyes. And finally we reach a tiny house about to fall down, in abject poverty, but inside there is a huge cave, and I don't understand how there's even room for such a cave inside. And there are masses and masses of candles that have burned out, that burned long ago, until the cave is coated from all the white wax that dripped and spilled, in all kinds of strange shapes, like in a museum. And against the white background the Hasidim look like flying black stripes, and from the fragments of Yiddish, it's impossible to understand: grave, alive?! And fear takes over me, and there's a very black pit there and all the time the Hasidim bring more and more scorpions and snakes there. And they carry there some tattered and full of holes parochet [curtain covering the Torah ark] made of patchwork, with a large brown stain of old blood, and terrible screams are heard in Yiddish, like commands, like whip lashes. And I understand that the terrible secret is not that the Admor is dead - but that he is alive. There the previous Admor is imprisoned, of blessed memory! And I decide to do something crazy, and leap with all my might into the pit, there's an old knife in the corner, it's not far, I'm already in the air - and suddenly a terrible weakness attacks me. And to my horror I discover that the battery is low, very low, from being so carried away I didn't notice, and now I won't be able to get out of there at all. And I start to cry out, and the Hasidim there are startled who is here, and bring me a glass of water, but I'm afraid I'll short circuit, and they beg me to at least switch to sleep mode, but I'm terrified: who knows what they'll do to me? And I waste the remaining strength, slipping again and again into the maw of the slippery wax, crawling, realizing too late, the stripes, prison uniforms, no one gets out of there. And I'm very surprised at myself, panting, how I, who's always on time, always precise, like a robot, a real Yekke [German Jew], made in Germany, how did I dare, how did I want, to do such a thing, such a beastly thing? And I'm finally outside, with last strength, dragging myself, stumbling in the streets, nowhere is there an outlet, and no one lets me charge, all the stores are closed, it's the Sabbath day to the Lord. And here two Hasidim happen to pass by, what luck, I try to shout that it's a matter of life and death, but only beeps come out that are barely audible, and they don't understand what this electrical thing is on the holy Sabbath and run away from there. And I'm left there alone, barely able to move, at any moment everything could end. What, after all this, I'll just die here on the sidewalk? And I see a high voltage pole in the corner, and think: what do I have to lose? And climb with my last strength, the meter is already completely at zero, below zero. And I lower my pants to connect to the electricity. And I see that instead of a socket I have a swastika there.

The Mark of Cain

I dreamed that I almost fell asleep in the middle of another boring sermon by the Rabbi, his tired gaze floating over the crowd, and then he suddenly winks at me - and continues as if nothing happened. What? But no one reacts. Maybe I just imagined it? And the Rabbi blabbers and blabbers, I probably really dreamed it. And then in a split second when no one notices - he winks at me again! But what does he want? I've never really talked to him. And I decide to try to wink back - but he doesn't react. And then he winks again and I suddenly look back and see the man behind me sticking out his tongue in a flash. And so each time anew, he winks and he sticks out his tongue back, and no one sees. And even during prayer, when everyone's head is in the prayer book, and even during the silent prayer, I open a slit in my closed eyes - and see them. And I decide to follow them at the end of the prayer. And they really push each other exactly towards each other in the crowd - I knew it - but they pass by each other without stopping, and each of them exits through the opposite door - and I'm in the middle wasting precious seconds and don't know which of the two to follow? Who to follow? And at the last moment I leap towards the Rabbi's exit, peek outside to the synagogue courtyard, but don't see him at all anymore. He escaped me! And I quickly turn around to fly after the other one, but it's already too late. And I leave disappointed and turn to go home to return to my wife, and then in the corner of my eye behind me I notice from afar the black of the Rabbi - he's actually running to behind the synagogue. And I run after him throughout the entire settlement, everyone has long since returned home to their families for the Sabbath meal, and only we are running alone between all kinds of children's playground equipment in the dark, where you can hide. And the Rabbi runs runs runs and enters the women's mikveh [ritual bath] building! And I don't know whether to enter? Not to enter? To enter? And suddenly the other one arrives running from the other side and enters after him. I was just torn between them for nothing. And I hear them inside talking in the dark, and the other one tells the Rabbi: All these years I thought I was the only one who survived. I never imagined you were from there. You know, in the camp they planted us in the ground up to our ears, because our beards reminded the commander of carrots. And every morning he would urinate on us to water us, and our mouths were half-filled with dirt, so that we would drink and not die. And the Rabbi answers: Yes, and there was also the matter with the peas. The other voice is shocked: But how, how do you know about that? No one from there survived! And the Rabbi thunders in the mikveh space: Because I - he screams - I - I am the German! And suddenly a violent struggle is heard inside, terrible blows in the dark, choked screams, someone being torn to pieces, I knew I had to enter, but in the dark anyway I won't see anything, I'll just get hurt and won't be able to help, and there was already silence. And the Rabbi ran out, and I stand there not knowing whether to call for resuscitation or chase after him? And I run after the Rabbi in the dark, deep deep into the fields, until I almost catch up to him, and suddenly the Rabbi turns to me - and winks at me.

Pareve Meat

I dreamed that once the Rabbi wrote something on the computer and the letters began to tremble and the screen began to fill with black ravens, which were multiplying in an immodest way and colliding with the edge of the screen and returning and mating like animals, and did not spare even the holy files and raped the letters, which would fatten and spawn and fly and repeat, and did not refrain even from the menus, which turned into abomination instructions: from cut and paste to sin and paste, from track changes to track two, God preserve us - instead of save in name. And the Jews would infect each other with the virus, almost everyone was already infected. And the Rabbi said an expert would come from the forest and we need to wait. Meanwhile the disease spread and the screens were showing things that we shouldn't mention, very private letters appeared in sanctification of the moon letters on other computers, diaries of nights, hidden files, embarrassing, dirty, really ugly, and endlessly intriguing. And the Rabbi said we must not call for help and must wait. One night the Rabbi entered the forest and disappeared. And they waited for him. A night, and another night. And an argument began whether to call for help, but the Rabbi said it's forbidden, but the Rabbi is in danger. And finally they went out to search for him. And the delegation did not return. In the second delegation they were already afraid to go, but the situation became that there was no choice and they went. And did not return. And no one was willing to go out for a third delegation, and they started shouting what don't you care about the Rabbi? I have children, why don't you go? My son already went and didn't come back. And then at night the expert came out of the forest. With a big black shtreimel [fur hat]. And he had such a big black dog, which was constantly whimpering and whimpering. And he would get angry and kick it, and still the dog would whimper and whimper. And he just came and already went to sleep like a log all day. And all night he would eat like a pig, and the dog would whimper and whimper, and he would devour and gulp. And all day he would sleep, and at night he would get up and shout bring me animal food. And once the maid approached him with the meat and looked at him up close, broke the plate and began to scream: There are eyes in his shtreimel, there are eyes in his shtreimel!! And then he rose from the table, climbed on the chair, climbed from the chair onto the table, and climbed from the table onto the meat bowl and roared: I am your Rabbi.

The Grave of Moses of the Generation

I dreamed that they tell me that 40 days have passed and Moses our teacher has not returned and let's make the golden calf. And I say: Wait, but Rashi says that the 40 days we need to wait doesn't include the first day, so everyone waits another day, and Moses returns, and everyone is happy what luck that we waited. And the great sin is prevented. And Moses our teacher comes down to us, and I see up close that Moses is glued together, that Moses is completely broken: the mustache is a piece from the beard, and the wart on the winking eye is the navel, even the lips are glued on backwards, where is the stuttering mouth? Where is the heavy tongue? Oh, I hope it's not what I think, and I think it was probably already too much. Maybe even just one day too much. God broke him! And I see that they're hiding there in the ark, I peek in his ark, the tablets are whole, but the Torah is broken, it's written on the tablet only no no no, but where is all the rest? And suddenly in the middle of the Book of Genesis appears King David, and he steals Eve from Adam, because he feels that from their union something truly special could come out, messianic. And here Saul the persecuted chases after him, and he flees into the work of the Tabernacle and all its vessels, and hides her somewhere. And the sick Saul wanders there in silence and asks: Where are you, let me hear your voice, cock-a-doodle-doo rooster! And starts to stab all the vessels with a sword, and finally he reaches the Holy of Holies, and says: I already know where you are, and suddenly. And everyone is surprised that after the revelation at Mount Sinai there is a hole, and no one can understand what was in that hole. What already happened up there? And Rashi says underneath, Rashi shouts underneath the Torah, that 40 days to wait for Moses means complete days, and therefore it doesn't include the first day - which had no night. Meaning, what was really important was the 40 nights! And the Admor doesn't return. And doesn't return. And doesn't return. And no one asks: What happened down there? And Moses can no longer lift up God, he is angry or God has become heavy or something else that Rashi says, and God falls and breaks. And everyone takes a piece, they take and run, some for a souvenir, some think it will be valuable, they pounce, everyone wants a part, they tear off angels, wings, ears, and very quickly it's clear that it won't be possible to glue it back together, and there's already nothing to hold up the heavens, people are holding pieces of air in their homes, and above it becomes black. And Adam wanders in the garden naked shouting: Where are you? Fool! Do you know that because of you there will be no continuation for humanity? Not only will there be no new continuation of the Torah, we won't even begin. And Rashi writes below that there are things worse than breaking the tablets, or even breaking the vessels, and it's not clear if he's warning or trying to console. Actually he hardly has any verses left now, and the possibility arises that he's trying to console himself. And the Admor doesn't return, doesn't return, doesn't return, doesn't