The Origin of Religious Sentiment

Before sleep, I remembered those intelligent breasts that I could now embrace instead of the blanket, two circles concealing within them more circles I hadn't seen and could have seen and buried my face between - and which now pound in my head like cymbals

Venus figurine from 30,000 years ago. Where are those girls now?  (Source)

The girl invited me to lie with her in her bed. And I didn't want to. I forgot the rule: never refuse sex. For every time I refused sex, I regretted it afterwards. I feared I would fall in love with her. After all, I am very lonely, and fall in love easily. And then if I fall in love with the wrong girl, I won't be able to extricate myself. I already have bitter experience blacker than night. The worst thing that can happen to you is to fall in love with the wrong person.

Therefore, I hesitated before sex. Moreover, she didn't seem smart enough to me. Afterwards, I thought I was just being foolish, and wondered what would have happened if I had tried, so I attempted to kiss the girl, but she had already cooled off and wanted to talk. I told myself that with a little conversation, I could surely kiss her, if she wanted to lie down a moment ago, and perhaps afterwards even lie with her.

The girl called me to her bed, as I was sitting on the chair. But I thought it would be easier to seduce her into a kiss if I remained in the chair and she was the one to come closer. I detest courtship very much, and if I approach her, she will surely run away. Therefore, from my experience, it's better to create a situation where she comes to me, and then the kiss won't be against the direction of her movement, and thus against the direction of her desire, which would turn into recoil at the crucial moment, as happened before. You need to make her think the kiss is her own desire, not mine, which will prevent her from feeling the need to resist.

Indeed, the girl stood before me and asked why I wanted to kiss her. I told her I only wanted to if she wanted to, and that it's not my way to impose my will, except perhaps with men. As for women, I respect them too much to try anything. Indeed, this is a stumbling block in my relationships with women. Because often, I am paralyzed before them, as all I want is to satisfy their desire, and in this, I find my satisfaction - in their satisfaction.

The girl, who looked more attractive from this angle, which accentuated her breasts above me, although I still doubted her intelligence (though she certainly wasn't stupid), asked me to at least hug her, but I didn't prolong the embrace, so that our relationship wouldn't be perceived as merely friendly, despite my desire for friendly relations if it wasn't possible to move them to romantic grounds. But above all, I craved erotic relations at the moment, so I tried to sit on the bed so that the girl would sit beside me.

But as luck would have it, the girl sat on the chair at that moment, while I was on her bed, and I found myself in a dire situation of tactical inferiority, which in such a situation is especially severe, as it immediately translates into strategic inferiority. Therefore, I thought to execute a tactical retreat, which is sometimes necessary to ultimately win the war for a girl's heart, or at least her bed. At this stage, I already completely regretted not hugging her for longer and pressing her breasts against my heart. She is, after all, attractive and no less intelligent than the others I always wanted, so why did I reject her?

But it seemed that she also wanted less now, and then I realized I could lose her entirely, and this, I understood in a moment, I did not want. In fact, I would have been lucky to win this girl, who is inexplicably nice to me, unlike all the girls who rejected me, and surprisingly also exceptionally beautiful, and actually a girl of the type I always conjured in my daydreams. Such breasts are rare even among the female sex, and her intelligence, which could be learned from the way she handled the situation, and the complex sentences in which she now expressed herself (why didn't she do so earlier?), was no longer in doubt.

Such an attractive girl was worthy of prolonged maneuvers, and even if I erred on the first opportunity, I would not give up now on what I missed under any circumstances, and there would surely be another opportunity if only I acted wisely. Therefore, when I saw that an awkwardness had arisen, I preferred not to risk our relationship at this stage, but to act like a man with self-control, which often increases desire in the other side, the feminine one. I remembered how in a previous love, which was unrequited, a friend told me that if one side wants too much, then he wants enough for both, and no desire awakens in the other side, so I got up from the bed and told her I'd be happy to meet in the evening.

But I didn't get far from her apartment, and felt an urgent need to call her, to verify her attitude towards me, I thought of an excuse, that maybe I forgot something there, and called, but the girl didn't answer. Perhaps she wasn't near the phone. I knew she would see the call, and therefore I couldn't call again, so as not to cheapen myself in her eyes. But the hours passed and she didn't call back. Maybe she didn't see the call. But for the sake of creating equality, I delayed calling her in the evening, and by this stage she was already tired. I made a grave mistake in my arrogance, and a girl I could only dream of is slipping through my fingers.

So I sent her a text message before sleep but she didn't answer. And maybe she had already fallen asleep, as she was tired. The next morning I couldn't contain myself from tension, as she filled all my thoughts, and I called, but she didn't answer. I remembered her perfect breasts with sharp pain, and hated myself. Until finally such a goddess wanted me, everything I want in a woman for life - equally intelligent and attractive - I let the opportunity slip through my fingers, and I was left with nothing but to return to the dating site, and absorb countless rejections.

So I waited two days and sent her an email, ignoring everything that had happened, trying to continue from where we left off, hoping she would also answer, as there was nothing left to lose. Before sleep, I remembered those intelligent breasts that I could now embrace instead of the blanket, two circles concealing within them more circles I hadn't seen and could have seen and buried my face between and which now pound in my head like cymbals.

I had already begun to fall in love with her perfection, and in the mornings she was the first thing I remembered when I opened my eyes, who could have been by my side. I already knew I had no chance, and so I sent her a text message on one of the lonely nights, which was short and thus also expressed my resentment and disappointment, for she had treated me unfairly, but on the other hand promised her that I was still thinking of her, and in it I wrote two words that I had formulated for a long hour: Sweet dreams. I consoled myself that such a feminine goddess would have tired of me anyway, and broken my heart later. She surely found a much more muscular idol than me. That's always how it is with such unattainable models, even if you think there's a chance, it's just an illusion.

Years later I still thought about her from time to time, on cold nights. When I would pass by her house, which she might not live in anymore, I would conduct small rituals of worship and mourning. I no longer dreamed of calling, and because I feared that the teeth of time would make me forget her perfect image, I sculpted her figure from clay with my own hands, and placed it at the head of my bed. There was no end to the erotic excitement in kneading her body and divine breasts. Her legs stood above my head, and every night I kissed them in submission. Sometimes I thought I saw her on the street, running after someone, who turned out to be not at all like her.

I wrote her letters dozens of pages long, describing all the twists and turns of my hidden love, which were never sent, but burned before the goddess. I refused to bring other girls to my bed, and despite all my fiancée's pleas and entreaties, I wouldn't agree to let her into my room except only after the wedding. Perhaps she took it as a romantic gesture, of entering the holy of holies, only she didn't fully understand it. After the wedding ceremony, when we arrived at the forbidden room, I lifted my wife in both hands, placed her reverently on the bed, and slaughtered her as a sacrifice to the goddess.